Kinkakuji: historical....bling?

Well known fact #1: Kyoto has a fair number of temples.

The Truth Behind it: Yep, this one is true. There are about 321089293 temples in this town, or at least it seems that way. There is no way that one can visit any significant portion of the cultural treasures that this city holds. Of course, one can certainly visit a good number of the famous ones, and therefore have enough experience to make snap judgements on the entire city.

So, without further ado, I’m proud to present FAMOUS TEMPLE SNAP JUDGEMENT # 1: Kinkakuji.


Kinkaku-ji is actually part of a large Buddhist temple complex, known as Rokuon-ji.



It's easy to find, as there is very massive kanji on the hill nearby.


This large character means ... "large". Very straightforward.

Before we get into the temple and what makes it so fancy, perhaps a quick TSI refresher in Buddhism is in order. Buddhists teach that life is suffering, and that one should turn inward to seek spiritual enlightenment, rejecting immoral behavior and following a sacred path. Buddhists believe that following the path helps them resist the source of suffering, which is desire – including lust, greed, envy and all that other fun stuff. As with most major religions, the the sacred path includes some of the usual “no-nos”: No Killing, No Lying, No Copious Humping Of Russian Prostitutes. Some Buddhists have other unique rules: No Sleeping On Giant Comfy Beds, and the Gremlin-esque*, No Eating After Noon.

Ok! Now that we are all up to Buddhic speed, we can get back to the TSI investigation.

You see, Kinkakuji is interesting, given its current status as a Buddhist temple. Once upon a time, back in 1397, the Shogun decided to visit the area. Someone decided that perhaps they wanted to help the Shogun see that the riches of the material world are only skin deep, or maybe they wanted to distract him from all of the sorrow in the world, or maybe they just wanted him to make their local temple a major part of his Shogun-circuit, but they decided to outfit one of the pavilions in a very unique manner.

Pure Gold.




Kinkakuji or “金閣寺” translates as “Temple of the Golden Pavillion” – which is pretty much spot on, as you can see.



It's really pretty.



Some years later, someone thought that a building covered in gold jived really well with the Buddhist persuit for personal fulfillment. I totally see the connection, don't you?

Buddhist A: Forget the desires of the ouside world!
Buddhist B: Woah! Check out that gold building! It's purty!
Buddhist A: WOW! THAT'S AMAZING!!!!
Buddhist B: What were we doing again?

I’m sure I'm not alone in seeing the wonderful irony that exists when a group focused on ignoring the desires of the outside world has an entire building that was blinged* up to impress a visiting dignitary. That’s serious comedy.

Of course, Buddhists are hardly the only religion that seems to have done something counter-intuitive to the basic precepts. Buddhists have made a vast contribution to enriching the art and culture of the entire world. Don’t let the TSI team take anything away from their work. After all….I don’t really want to get into listing examples of major world religions whose followers’ actions don’t jive with their teachings.

Mind you, MerryManMakingIllInformedAndIllResearchedSocioCulturalReligiousStereotypicalJudgments doesn’t have the same ring as the current title, does it? So I'll keep the jokes-at-the-expense-of-monks to a minimum.

Mostly.

Anyway, where were we?

Ah, yes. Ancient Temple. Covered in Gold. Right. GOLD.



Er… did I say ancient? Well… about that…

If you happen to run over to the official website run by the tech-savvy monks that run the temple that runs this temple. (got that?), you might notice that there is an interesting gap in the history of the temple. They stop at about 1917.

Why might that be?

Well, this is hardly something that the temple folk like to publicize, as it might not be the best sales pitch for attracting potential visitors. You see, their definition of “ancient” is a bit flexible.

Let’s set the way-back machine to... oh... 1950.

Back then, there was a crazed monk. Now, we can surmise that this crazed monk didn't appear to be crazed at the time. In fact, he was likely quite popular among the local monk-dom (and the monkettes? Platonically, of course, as monks are celibate I think.... unless they are allowed to date within carefully proscribed monk-ey boundaries? Ah, I digress....) Monks tend to have a fair bit of time on their hands. Each monk is expected to dedicate themselves to some pursuit or other. This monk happened to choose the Temple of the Golden Pavilion as his dedication-thingey. And dedicate he did. In fact, he built up a healthy obsession to the point where he felt that the temple was controlling his life.

We all have various methods of dealing with stress. I personally feel that “reading a book”, “buying a model train set” or even “getting copiously drunk on cheap convenience store sake and calling random people in your cell phone” are good ways of dealing with stress - at least compared to what this fellow chose to do. (A healthy Facebook and/or MySpace addiction is also a semi-reasonable way to spend time, but sadly our anti-hero had the misfortune of being born long before our wired, enlightened times)

Anyway, our chap decided to do something a little more elemental to cope with his fixation on the temple.

He burned the five and a half century old struture to the ground.

Ta DA! Problem solved!

You see, this beautiful, ancient golden temple/tourist trap is actually a recent reconstruction. Although his fact made for several straight-to-video movies and a few comic books, it is not exactly published anywhere in the temple literature. Sneaky, sneaky monks.

Why might the monks keep such a major event in temple history (ie, the end of it) on the down-low? Well…. It comes down to economics. Temples are actually pretty sound business centres, which own fair amounts of property and are not ashamed to make a bit of coin here and there. You might even spot the odd BMW here and there, and some temples actually run large, fancy hotels (tune in soon for TSI: Temple Hotel).



A major source of income for the monks is the asmission fees they charge tourists to come in and look around the temple grounds. This isn’t a huge amount of cash - anywhere from 300 yen to about 1000 yen per person - but it adds up. In fact, a nice temple on a busy train line can make some serious coin.

And when I say "serious coin", I mean that they are serious about collecting your coin.



Can you really blame them? They have a temple that’s covered in freakin’ GOLD, and you can can bet that it brings in a huge amount of tourist money. Temples are expensive to maintain, so there's no problem with charging people admission to enjoy them. But.... what happens when your world-famous temple goes up in smoke? (sorry. had to be said). Well..no more tourist money.

But what to do? What to do?
Of course, rebuilt it!

Heck, why not improve things a bit?
Sure! During the reconstruction, they even extended the gold leaf over the entire building – an improvement, so to speak.

Problem solved. The hordes of tourists still show up in droves. The monks, of course, are sure to provide for your every tourist need.

You want fortunes? And you don't speak Japanese!



No problem!



Just be sure to have your hard money ready!



The fact that they forgot the word "earned" should NOT be taken as any sort of underhanded criticism of the monk-ey lifestyle. They pay down like everyone else.


Anyway, the whole "reconstrucing the burned temple" thing has, of course, spread a few seeds of doubt. In order to reassure people that the temple is not being reconstructed regularly with other gold-like materials, they have placed it under 24 hour internet surveillance.

If you want to check it out, try this webcam:


Since Japan is in a different time zone, you can catch some fairly beautiful views during times when the temple is not normally open to the public. I checked it at around 5:00 EST, and got a pretty amazing sunrise. So have a peek, and remember: The “Click here to have a deranged monk burn down the Temple” button has been disabled in both IE and Firefox.


Welcome back. Sure is pretty, isn’t it?

In a way, it’s somewhat of a metaphor for Japanese society. The reconstruction hasn’t really made a difference to most of the tourists coming. It’s still a stunning structure, and one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. I highly recommend the trip if you happen to be in the neighbourhood.　Fittingly, the top of the roof has a phoenix mounted on it.



Out of the flames, the Temple of the Golden Pavilion rose from ashes, to once more become a beautiful, fascinating place.

Japan is much the same. It has risen from challenges and destruction over much of its history. The way things appear to be is of vital importance. Harmony is to be preserved at all times, and if things appear to be working, they are working.

Japan loves beauty in all things – people, relationships and places. This exterior judgement plays out in a hundred thousand ways each day – from Louis Vutton bag toting gals whose full time job is fashion to late-working, nine-coffee-break-taking salary men, appearances are to be maintained at all times.

Somehow, for a building like this, it doesn’t really matter. The building might be fifty years old – a cultural Disneyland, carefully manicured to a perfect theme park experience designed to bring in tourist dollars – but it does it really matter? Kinkaku-ji is breathtaking, photogenic and immeasurably memorable.



After all, if someone had the audacity to gold-plate a Motel 6, that would still be worth the trip. This place at least has the courtesy to look like it deserves the attention.



The Monks have the right idea. Forget all about that little glitch in the perfect history of this perfect cultural treasure. Take it in, take pictures and let yourself sink into the majesty of what is surely a crown jewel in a town full of treasures.

　　






* Gremlinesque. “The Gremlins” was a famous movie about cute, cuddly creatures that turned into horrible monsters if you fed them after midnight. I suspect this is not true for most Buddhists.

* blings – to bling. Usually a noun, “bling” is a word from American hip-hop, which describes lots of expensive shiny things, like gold and diamonds.

* Japan is 13 hours ahead of EST right now, and 14 during daylight savings time.

Japanese Cops: Hardcore?

Well... this is a surprisingly good metaphor. You see, the cops in Japan generally exist to give directions to lost citizens. They are courteous, kind, and generally helpful.

That is, until you look at them crosswise. They have ridiculous powers compared to their western counterparts. For example, the cops can hold you for about 21 days in custody without charging you. Oh yeah, and the courts here have about a 99% conviction rate, so if you are charged with something, the courts tend to belive the cops and toss your ass in jail regardless.

I kind of dismissed this as hearsay, until I heard a story from my dear friend Dave. Apparently, one day he was hanging around in downtown Yokohama. Some biker gang was making waaay too much noise and bothering the locals. After about forty minutes of listening to the bikers ciccle the area at an exceedingly high volume, a single cop came out of the station. He was calmly carrying a very large, very black nightstick. When the bikers came by for their next pass, the cop calmly pulled back his five foot steel rod, and cranked one of those poor fuckers in the head as hard as he could. The guy spun off his bike and flew into a crumpled heap at the side of the road. Seeing this, the cop calmly marched back into his station. The bike gang calmly scaped their shattered comrade off the road, and carried him off for what was presumably medical treatment. The cop never came out, and the gange didn't cause any further shit. Clearly the message was "fuck around if you want, but if I start getting complaints, your ass is mine and there isn't a bloody thing you can do about it.

So...uh... don't ride a loud bike...? That's hella scarier than using the force.

Ho Ho Ho: Let's Frightening Children!

I dressed up as Santa Claus for our school party, so I naturally decided it would be a good idea to wear the suit all day.

Including while shopping...



...for delicious sushi.



Ok, shut up. You get sick of eating reindeer steaks, elf puddding and baby seal sashimi when you live at the north pole 364 days each year.



Oooo...while we're discussing disturbing things, I can actually show you a two part photo montage of me scarring some poor child for life!

Mother: It's Santa-san! Take a picture!!!
Child: (fearful silence)
Mother: (silent pushing)
Child: (fearful retreating silence)
Mother: SANTA SAN DESU! (more forceful placing)



Child: (fearful resignation, plus a lot of caution)



/note the "safe space" between the child and scary foreign man with the big beard, who is clearly NOT Santa-san.

Japan Does Toronto, Ebi Chan Makes F * ing

As some of you may know, I am very excited to be heading home for the holidays this Christmas. Toronto is a wonderful city, and there's nowhere I'd rather barbeque a huge steak while standing in a two foot snowdrift.

I plan to eat a lot of turkey, drink a lot of wine with my relatives, and watch the good natured insults fly. I also plan on sharing a lot about my exploits here in Japan, and perhaps the best place to do that would be a venue that is based on a Japanese tradition.

This is no problem, as Toronto is a very multicultural city. Apart from being a scary place during the World Cup, multiculturalism means that wonderful traditions from around the world are available. So, for a long time, I figured that my stories might best be told over a few plates of sushi. This setting might even allow me to employ my rather limited Japanese skills to their best effect, seeing as ordering sushi makes up about 28% of what I do with said skills.


And then, I stumbled upon a far more appropriate venue.

Toronto is opening up it's very own Maid Cafe.



If you are unfamiliar with this idea, it's really quite simple.

1) Open a cafe

2) Staff the cafe with cute, submissive Japanese girls. If no cute, submissive Japanese girls are available, any Japanese girls will do nicely. Actually, just about any girls will do nicely for this, but it's best to preserve some of the traditions...

Here's an example of what to look for:


If you can't find any girls, well... that's why Al Gore invented the Internet.

3) Stuff said cute, submissive girls into French Maid uniforms.




Voila!



4) Now, have your cute, submissive Japanese French maids serve irony soaked food to a healthy combination of fetishists, comedy seekers, lonely men, bottomless tops and tourists.



5) Profit!


If you want to check out the restaurant's website...it's www.imaidcafe.com

Things to note:

1) It's in Scarborough! I used to work there. It's a sketchy part of town.

2) Apparently, Hong Kong and Taiwan are Asian, and are close enough to Japanese food fit the menu. I suppose one doesn't really go to a maid cafe for the food...

3) a) Open up the "Staff" page (same as above). b) Sing "one of these things is not like the others...."




NOTES:

Obviously, maid cafes are not for everyone.

Case 2: That is so sexist, what the hell!?! and Case 3: Your clientelle is mostly female: Staff the cafe with cute, submissive boys. If no cute, submissive boys are available, any submissive boys will do nicely. If you can't find any submissive boys, well, that's what ...well... shit. That's what the stiletto heel beat-downs are for. Head for the bar.

If you still can't find any submissive boys...well, you can always fly over here to Japan. You see, the maid cafes are so successful that their gender counterparts have opened. They're called Butler Cafes, and cute boys are stuffed into butler uniforms. Those cute, submissive Japanese boys will do your bidding without requiring even a small stiletto heal beat down!

Case 4 For the gay and lesbian community: Dominant Females: See "maid cafe". Dominant Males: see "butler cafe". Submissive Males and Females: Um.... employment?


The Japanese Girl I used as an example.



Her name is Yuri Ebihara. She's kind of like the Japanese Paris Hilton...but she doesn't seem so mind bogglingly annoying or foolish (perhaps because I don't speak Japanese? Maybe someone can help me out here...) She became famous for being...well...fashionable...and still more famous for being...well...famous.

She's so famous and fashionable, in fact, that she and another fashionista cum celebrity have just released her own new line of clothes and accessories.

Appropriately, they're calling the new line "F*ing Motesto*


Whether this name comes from "Fucking Modest" (Which they don't seem to be), "Fucking Mo Testosterone" (Which may be part of the reason for their fame) or if they just plain want people to think of "Fucking" and the Motesto part is just for kicks... it will probably still be a huge hit. And by "huge hit", I mean "I'm really looking forward to hearing lots of Japanese people say "F-ING" in department stores all the time."

Final note about Ms. Ebihara.... or "Ebi-chan", as she is commonly known. "Ebi" also means "Shrimp" in Japanese. This coincidence led to a what might be the least believable celebrity endorsement of a seafood-based fast food product that I've ever seen.



/with bonus random Englishesque words on the left hand side.


EDIT: Courtesy of Ed The Cat, here is a video of Ebi hawking Ebi



Ok... I officially like her better than Paris Hilton.

(That's not a huge compliment, mind you. I feel the same way about kicks to the groin... but Shrimp girl does have...uh...stage presence.)

Rock 'n Roll, a Cola War, I can't take it any more...

Raise your hand if you just hummed "We didn't start the fire..."

I happen to be a personal fan of the 1980s, and if you happen to know that Billy Joel song, you probably are too. The other day, Japan presented me with a can of carbonated awesomeness that I haven't laid eyes on since the heady days of "New Coke". I don't know about you, but while Coke and Pepsi have always been tasty ways to simultaneously feed my caffeine and sugar urges, they have always lacked a certain indescribable quality. Despite dominating the beverage market and the vending machines of my life, I always maintained a can shaped hole in my heart for the lost bit player that stood for the small town cola machines of summer holidays. A cola product, if you will, of my lost youth.

And I found it in the strangest of places. In the local foreign food supermarket in the basement of a Shinyurigaoka departmetn store, there it was. Amid a clutter of American Tabasco sauce flavours and British Twinnings tea variants, stuck in between some strange lemon drink and a case of Kool aid, I saw it...



My sweet blue canned youth!



Royal Crown Cola! It seems like it's been since 1905 that I last tasted your yummy, sugary bubbles.

I know we all have things that remind us of our childhoods, and RC Cola is one for me. Oh...to be a little kid again... back when we had seriously stressful things to deal with, like who we should play with at recess, or what was wrong with jogging pants...or why the hell everyone would start declaring that you liked some girl when you didn't really even know who she was. (Oh, if I could go back and slap some sense into my eighth grade self, man, there would have been some hot PG rated over-the-clothes light petting.)


Of course, one has to remember that the trusty bureaucrats at the Fucked Up Shit Department have been keeping track of various cultural imports. And, after we saw how they dealt with the culinary challenge presented by Korea, we can assume a similarly heavy handed response. Finally, given the amount of nostalgia that is pressed into each and every can of RC Cola, the F.U.S.D. would be well aware that they would have to lay some serious smack down to best RC in the contest to become "Sweet Carbonated Nectar Of My Dreams."

Well, they did just that.



They laid the Smack down, that is.




Literally.





We can always count on the F.U.S.D. to make wonderfully horrific sentences a cultural necessity.

This, ladies and gentlemen, was the actual line I used to acquire a bottle of this fun for my home collection:

Oh waitress, Can I have some more Smack please? To Go?



English Help:

I always maintained a can shaped hole in my heart ; I always kept a special place for (eg, "remembered") for RC Cola.

the lost bit player: a small company/person that tried to compete against a larger company, but lost.

the heady days of "New Coke": "heady" means exciting, as in "things are going to your head". "New Coke" was a brief experiment by Coca Cola to change the taste of their drink. It was a total failure, and Coke brought out "Coca Cola Classic" soon after.

hot PG rated over-the-clothes light petting: elementary school romantic contact. Probably kissing and not much else.

to Smack (verb) - to hit someone/something, often across the face. It has a connection to gangsta/pimp culture. So, to "lay the smack down" is to hit someone, or more commonly, to assert your authority in an aggressive manner.

a Smack: related to the above, a slap or blow. eg: She gave him a smack for looking at other girls.

some Smack: (uncountable noun) (slang): Heroin, a powerful drug.

Sickfoot

I came home on a relatively cold day a little while ago, and I had a startling realization.

I think the "Foot Clan" was inspired by Japan.

Not in the way you think... that the fictional Foot Clan, enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (and Casey Jones) are based on an ancient Ninjutsu society. I'll admit that it's...possible.

But this is for real!

I mean.... I think that their appearances were probably dreamed up during the annual fall "cold" season in Japan.



Check it out! Shredder was definitely inspired by a sick day.



April O'Neal will go out with me if look this good. Yeah baby.



I'm a deadly man, so watch out! My kung flu is strong!



Confused? Check this out: TMNT's Foot Clan.

Tentacles are lower on the food chain than you are

During my recent trip to Korea, I had the pleasure to sample some delicious Korean food...

- Korean Barbeque (which might just be called "Barbeque" here),

- The best Bi-bimba I've ever had. A Bi-bimba is a rice dish made with vegetables, meat and a raw egg. It comes served in a stone bowl that's been heated in the oven, which lets you finish the final bit of cooking (ie the raw egg) in the bowl at the table. It's YUMMY, and looks like this:




- A boat load of kimchi, which is super tasty. The Japanese aren't big fans of spicy food, so I don't get to eat a lot of it. (When they say "EXTREMELY SPICY, VERY DANGEROUS" one can expect "has flavour and a detectable hint of pepper")

- This:



That's right. This is a tentacle from a very recently alive Octopus. So recently alive, in fact, that the tentacles haven't gotten the memo about it. So, they squirm, crawl off the plate and stick to things. For example, your tongue and the roof of your mouth. Very odd.... but very delicous.


/another vid, this one with my running commentary/peer pressuring of another teacher.





Oh, and finally, from the "Things I didn't eat because I had nowhere to cook them, but totally would have eaten if I had been given the chance...." department...



Huge two centimetre long insects! These Grubs looked rather strange, but ... I'll eat just about anything.

In fact... there's something about asserting your place at the top of the food chain that validates all of the hard work done by our distant ancestors. So, I'd like to dedicate this post to Thag, Urg, Kills-with-arrows-and-cooks-with-big-freaking-fire, and all of the good folk that paved the way for our culinary dominance. Way to keep killin'!

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go beat my chest, then pee on my apartment so no one else claims it.

Faces of Fuji #1

Some smart dude once remarked that mountains have several faces. This fact is most definitely true for Mt. Fuji.

That is, of course, if by "having different faces" you mean "Jekyl-and-Hyde-esque Multiple Personality Psychosis", that is.

Let's call them "Fuji-San", "Fooge" and "Let's The Mt. Fuji Experience Having (tm)"

Or, for clarity: "Natural Beauty", "My Friends An I Disturbed The Wa Alot" and "Really? You Sell Gatorade and Hot Soup a kilometre up the mountain? Whaa..!?! For HOW MUCH?!"




Fuji-san / 富士山

The first face of Mt. Fuji is the one that everyone knows. Hailed by the Japanese as "Fuji-san", you can read about this Mt. Fuji in guidebooks, see glorious snow-capped pictures on postcards, and generally appreciate Fuji-san for what it is: a beautiful intersection of beauty and the awesome forces at work behind it. It's also really bloody high.

Fuji-san rises to 3776 metres above sea level, and can be seen from miles around - including from my classroom window on a good day. Much like sushi, shinkansen (bullet trains) and tentacle-schoolgirl-demon porn, Fuji-san is a symbol of Japan to people all over the world.


This is a picture that I did not take, taken at a time at which I did not climb, from a place I did not visit. But it has the same mountain in the picture.

The fact that you can climb Mt. Fuji without any special hiking gear beyond a desire for punishment is less well known outside of Japan, but it is a quintessentially Japanese thing to do. Of course the Japanese love to do things "by the book", so there is a specific designated "climbing season" during July and August. Suggest climbing on a weekend outside this, and well... people worry that you might die in a flash snowstorm on the first weekend of September.

According to legend (ie. one of my students), Mt. Fuji is one of the many gods of Japan. Climbing is supposed to be a purifying experience, whereby the climber is ... um... made clean by virtue of the effort expended. Personally, I was actually made dirtier and sweatier, but I can say that I felt much better about being sweaty and dirty than I usually do when in that state.

In any case, the apex of the climbing experience is seeing the sunrise from the top of the mountain.



And my oh my...what a sight it is.



Maybe it's the extra UV rays that do the purification.



Quite possibly the most beautiful and glorious sunrise I have ever seen in my life. It's all about perspective, I suppose. There's nothing out there quite like hiking yourself above the clouds just to enjoy the view.





Fooge

The face of Fuji that I saw through my eyes was considerably different than the reality that most people experience, expect or fear. For myself and four earstwhile adventurers, "Fooge" (it rhymes with "Huge" or "Splooge") begins both much lower in elevation. In fact, the Fooge experience begins right down near sea level, where you have a wonderful chance to collect the supplies that are needed to climb a mountain. Shopping is always a bit wacky in Tokyo, and actually shopping for specific and essential goods adds a whole new layer of crazy to the usual plan of "go some place and wander until you find something that amuses you as much as the thing you had originally planned to buy".

For example, the way you say "bottled oxygen" in Japanese is to hold your hand in front of your face with your fingers apart and pant heavily into your palm until the sales clerk clues in. The sales clerks at the Tokyu Hands department store can have a hard time with Foreigner Charades (aka "Survival Japanese") because...along with Hiking/Sports Oxygen packs, Tokyo Hands sells just about everything else on earth. Unfortunately, a significant percentage of the people on earth (eg, all the people in Japan) know this.



When you climb Fooge, (after properly equipping yourself with 12kg of shit to haul up there), you can head for the mountain. After a lovely bus ride takes you to base of the mountain, the next step is to do absolutely nothing, as the bus barely slows down at the base, and keeps going up...up...halfway up the mountain. Much like installing cable cars and pirate ships to help people enjoy the lovely scenery in Hakone, the Japanese have no problem combining authentic natural experiences with authentically paved roads. The view along the way was rather nice, but the last chance at sleep was too tempting for most to pass up.



After about two hours, the bus arrived at a series of gift shops and restaurants that serve as the base camp. These were also thoughtfully closed. WTF?

Anyway, if you are ever climbing Fooge and the base camp restaurants are closed, do NOT purchase either of the following room temperature foods in the gift shop:

1) Strange Bitter Shit that looks like Stew. It's not stew. It's strange, bitter and tastes like shit.
2) Apricots that taste really good, but will drastically shorten the time between bathroom breaks for two of your team members.

We set off from base camp around 9 pm, thinking that we'd make our way leisurely to the top for sunrise at around 4:30. You see, if you want to make it to the top of the mountain by sunrise, you have to climb at night. Thus, armed with headlamps, peanut butter sandwiches, walking sticks and a lot of potty humour, we set off confidently into the wild black yonder...

...and promptly got lost.

In a turn of events that in no way indicates our collective intellect, we managed to get confused and lose our way at the first fork in the road. It wasn't until we'd accosted some very sweaty and very tired people heading the opposite direction that we could continue in the knowledge that we were, indeed, headed for the top of the mountain.

The way up looked something like this...



Beautiful, isn't it?


Suddenly...

Hold it right there, folks! It's time to hear from one of our supporters!

Ok, dear reader! You please select Door #1 or Door #2!

...

Door #2 you say?

well.... behind Door #2 is....

DOOR #1 Wow! Choose again!


What? You'll take Door #1?

Behind Door #1 is a special offer from our sponsor!

MR. GET ENOUGH SLEEP FOR A CHANGE!



Wow! Fancy that.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

Fireworks: a tangental narrative, with Video!

I'm always amazed at the ability of the Japanese to take something everyone knows and loves and manage to make some drastic improvements.

Today's exhibition of Japanese improvement is a bit strange, because I think that this improvement was made a few hundred years ago, and we just haven't managed to catch on yet. That's right folks, we'll be taking a look at how the J-folk set off fireworks.



The first area of improvement (over Canada, anyway) is a pretty straightforward one: making fireworks legal, seemingly whenever anyone feels like setting them off.

What a brilliant idea.

I happen to live near a river, where gobs of high school and university kids are eager to blow off steam (and perhaps the occasional hand?) by shooting roman candles out over the river. From my perspective, I happen to enjoy sitting by the river anyway, and the prospect of a free fireworks show just makes things better.

Now, that said, the J-folk have also decided to make an upgrade to the whole "public holiday" thing, and have taken the fireworks show to the max. All around Japan are fireworks festivals where the municipal governments throw some serious bucks into a fireworks show for everyone to enjoy.



I've been to two shows, one in Yokohama and one right near my home on the Tama River, and both were mind boggling. For two or three hours, they fire amazing gunpowder art into the sky for the enjoyment of the masses.

The explosions were amazing, and they even did things like change colours and patterns after exploding...



...or change directions!

Of course, even more amazing is the fact that the fireworks people (fireworkers??) have managed to scuplt amazing shapes - like glasses, faces and hearts - rather than simple round explosions.




Unfortunately, they still haven't mastered getting the image to appear in any particular direction.

Maybe next year.


Of course, the simple explosions are nothing to scoff at either - the best way to make a round exploding ball compete with a picture of a Japanese cartoon character?

Easy. Make it F'ing huge.



It's really quite great. Thousands of people from the local area converge on the fireworks (usually near the water from what I've seen) and snack on eel, fried noodles, and (in our case anyway) drink a whole whack of wine.

And what, pray tell, could make this better?

Sweet Robes. That's what.

In Japan, it's traditional to wear a "Yukata" when going out to watch fireworks. While these were traditionally bedroom attire, they have been thoughtfully repurposed into the best chillaxing gear since the toga. Want to know how cool they are? Let me use a simple rhetorical question:

What if Hugh Hefner was a Samurai?

Yeah. Yukatas are that cool.


From the left:
1) a whole lot of interested fireworks-watching j-folk
2) my new co-worker/protege/rumoured lover, Andy
3) my iron-fisted, overbearing boss, Lucy, who totally reads this blog and is going to be F'ing pissed that I introduced her as such.
4) my very best Japanese photo pose.


That night, my good buddy and King of All Props David managed to somehow bring The Hef, a Samurai and Harvard University all together. Here he is posing with Goshiko, who has repeatedly asked not to be named here.




After the 'werks were all finished, we hit up a local izakaya for some yummy seafood.
Dave and I enjoyed some yummy bite sized soft shell crabs. They go crunch.



It's good to be on top of the food chain!



At the end of the night, I got picked up. Whee!


...by David.






Best thing to come out of the evening: a new phrase.

Go Go Gaijin (noun!)


ps: Goshiko gets to be Penny.
pps: Inspector Gadget always said "Go Go Gadget (spy tool name). Much like the bumbling Inspector Gadget, I am always willing to put my dignity on the line for your amusement.