1) Reasons I don't share this address with my students
2) Shenanigans
3) Pictures my friends will kill me for posting.
4) Bwahahahaaaa!!!
So, last weekend there was a wee bash. As with any good bash, it was designed around creating the maximum number of possible reasons for people to come out and act crazy. These reasons included a Birthday Party (David's), a Saturday night, A Pyjama Party, and a Playboy Theme!
These last two themes are particularly liberating. Much like Halloween, Oktoberfest and University, they let people dress up in astoundingly foolish (...skanky?) clothing while assuming minimal personal responsibility for any photographic evidence that might appear on one blog or another.
A great many costumes, props and other shenaniganery were acquired, worn, and as rumour has it, removed by various gropey fingers. (you bad, bad people).
Anyway, without further ado, I would like to present some highlights from the First Bi-Annual Chateau John PJ party dress-like-a-crazy-person-at-night party.
Or...
Fun things that start with "B":
Balloons, Boys, Bathrobes, Boisterousness.
Bravo! Honourable "B" mention: Beards!
Ben!
Ben + Girl = Happy Ben.
Bear suits!
Yoko pulls off the pink bear suit better than I've ever seen a pink...bear...suit...pulled?
Heck, I even got to share my back pain with my sistahs.
There was a downside though, as some strange guy kept trying to do strange things to my breasts!!!
/at first it was strange, but eventually I liked it...
Ah... who are we kidding. There's only one thing that brings the boys out time and time again. It even starts with a "B".
BISEXUAL TENDENCIES!!!
(aka...lipstick lesbians!!)
Lucy wins for enjoying it the most!!!
Triva: How many drinks do you think I consumed at this party?
a) 0: Drive-home-sober.
b) 1-5 Standard drinks, responsibleish for a party..
c) 6-10...er...ish...whee!!!hooo!!!
d) Way too many to count, so much so that I went crazy and ran around with fake breasts.
Place your bets?
And the answer was...
"a"!
That's right folks... I was high on life, lemon juice and the ego trip that comes from being the 'biggest' girl in the room.
... that was...until another guy showed up with another set from the same...er...shop.
Bitch.
English help:
Boisterousness: acting in a rowdy or childish manner. Being very active, or too full of energy. Like small boys.
lipstick lesbians: girls that will kiss other girls, but little else. Often used to refer to girls that touch each other at the urging of (or to cause urges among) boys.
The other night, I was studying Japanese in Shibuya while waiting for my fellow all night dance party revelers. Of course, studying Japanese in public is an easy ice breaker for young J-folk who want to talk to foreigners (ie, study english and/or make dirty jokes).
So, of course, a group of high school boys noticed me studying. Eventually, one of them mustered the courage to ask a question (in Japanese) "You speak Japanese?"
"I can speak a little." I said. "But I need to study more." (This is both the appropriately modest answer and the unfortunate truth)
Thus, an opening was made, and a flurry of increasingly personal questions followed. Asking questions about hobbies and interests is the standard introduction method here in Japan. When people meet, it's usually five minutes of a predictable Question and Answer format. Unfortunately, the best questions came into use around 1962, and people have just been recycling them ever since.
So, how long stay in Japan?
Um... about 15 months. How about you? (I always ask this)
hahah.... I'm high school student. What's your favourite food in Japan?
I like sushi. I eat it three or four times a week.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhh? Three times?
Yep. I love it...
(insert the standard few questions about our favourite fish (Eel, Salmon) and Restaurants (Midori) .... Where are you from?
I'm from Toronto, in Canada. Do you know of it?
Ahhh.... Toront. I want to go.
To Toron-to. Yes, it's very wonderful. (Japanese folk know that the "to" character at the end of the word usually represents "t", so they always drop the "o" a the end of "Toronto")
Wow! Do you like Japanese girl? (It ALWAYS comes to this)
Yes, they are very nice.
oooooo.... so...which is better? Japanese girl or Canada girls?? (It ALWAYS comes to this next, and I'm nowhere near dumb enough to give a straight answer)
Well, I like fun girls, so I like both...
Really?!? Both? ... Do you play sex every night?
Actually, we say "have"...
(For a moment, he stares at me with a look of blank expectation)
/I shrug, and give in to the conversation. I show him the stickers on my phone.
"Tokyo Boy Friends Exchange"
恋人募集中 ("lover recruitment in progress")*
To me, these are funny for their shock-value. To him, they were enough to turn rumour into gospel. Sagely, he points to my crotch and nods.
It's very big, isn't it?
Um.... yeah... just promise me that you won't use that line on Western women, ok?
----------------------------------
I'm not sure what they teach these kids in Japanese high schools, but the English classes this guy has been taking seem to be entirely focused on making him a dirty, cock obsessed playboy with a love of exotic cultures and short skirts.
In the west, we rely on music videos for that important task.
English help:
1) Regarding introductions: asking questions about hobbies is par for the course here. If you want to introduce yourself naturally in English, try commenting on the situation, or something else you have in common. That's way more fun.
2) a look of blank expectation:he has no thoughts, but he's excited.
3) Shock-value: something that's effective because it's shocking. Like some of my posts, hopefully.
4) Turn rumour into gospel: Change something into commonly accepted truth.
Ｓｏｍetimes, you get a chance to meet someone who is truly hilarious. My ego and I consider ourselves to be a rather humourous *sometimes*, but these people go well beyond "funny". I'm not about to hurt feelings or launch careers by naming names, but you can rest easy, dear reader, as you are at or near the top of list, (or will be when I meet you). Still, over the last year or so, I have enjoyed spending time with a certain man of inordinate comic talent. He's not just funny, ladies and gentlemen, he is a master of inter-cultural comic timing, slightly limited vocabulary and more slapstick than you could shake charlie chaplin holding a rubber chicken at. I'm a big fan of the oversell, but it's hard to do justice to the original. Let's just say I pray that I have a video camera on the day he finds a banana peel on the ground.
Some time ago, I promised that you'd hear about this man... so.... without further ado, I present...
Takuya!
Perhaps some background is important. I had the pleasure of meeting Takuya through two very wonderful gentlemen.
These guys would be Nick and Atsushi, who are both great guys that spent a lot of time as the closest of clothed friends. During his time here, Nick had the distinct pleasuring of meeting a delightful girl named Maki. Takuya is that girl's brother.
The story of when Nick and Takuya first met goes something like this.
Nick was very worried about meeting his girlfriend's older brother. After all, he had never met any Japanese family, and he worried greatly about how to impress the fellow. The day finally came, and he met Maki at her house. She introduced her brother, who bowed slightly and shook Nick's hand. Nick didn't quite know what to say, but stammered a greeting... "Hello," he said. "Nice to meet you. I'm Nick." "Nick," said Takuya thoughtfully. "You are my dream." "....???" Nick's entire relationship flashed before his eyes, as Maki just about laughed herself silly. "Takuya!" she chuckled. "You want to say 'what is your dream?'"
The rest, as they say, is history. Even with Nick apologetically having departed for the shores of New Jersey, I still hang out quite often with Takuya and Atsushi. Fortunately, our good friend Atsushi is quite capable in both English and Japanese. He is thus able to rescue Takuya and I from the occasional conversation consisting of "YES! IT IS DELICOUS! I LIKE IT LOTS!" "私も！美味しいです！”
That said, Takuyua and I have managed to form our own little blend of English and Japanese. You see, his English is quite a bit better than my Japanese, but we still often resort to wild gestures and pointing to share our ideas.
For example, this is "good communication" of the concept of "Good".
Here, we demonstrate "Bad".
One of the things that makes Takuya such a fun fellow is the fact that he holds within him the unrivaled comic blend absolute confidence and general ineptitude. It's a simple inverted arithmetical relationship, where the worse he is at something, the more you can expect him to boast and dive straight in. So, generally, you can assume that lots of confidence means of lots of hysterical disaster.
This isn't to say that he's a cocky, overconfident ass, because that would be far from the truth and a great injustice. I'm about to make fun of him a whole lot, so I want to make it absolutely clear that his presence guarantees an entertaining night, and I do enjoy spending time with him. He's earnest, fun and a good guy all around. Thus, he makes for a ripe target. I respect his confidence, and his cheer. He just good-naturedly does his best at everything, and tries especially hard when he's... bad at stuff. I dearly love the man, and I love the fact that he smiles his way through any setback.
So... now that I've been extra complimentary, hopefully that will make up for the photographic evidence I'm about to present. Without further ado, let's dive into...
A STEP BY STEP PHOTOGRAPHIC GUIDE TO TAKUYA'S GREATEST HITS*!
*misses.
1) HITTING STUFF!
Let's start with a simple wear-a-blindfold-and-whack-a-watermelon game.
Step 1) Approach the watermelon
Step 2) Find some psuedo-nearby dirt
Step 3) Hit the dirt so hard you break the stick.
/seriously. He smashed the metal stick in half.
2) BOATING!!
Step 1) Get into the boat facing the wrong way. That's important. It will help remind your friend to get his camera out and start taking pictures.
Step 2) Generally, a large pond doesn't have that many opportunities to hit the trees. Do so anyway.
Step 3) Check the instructions.
Step 4) Fold yourself into the "power" position. YOOOOOSH!!!! PULL REALLY FREAKING HARD!!
Step 5) Gloat in boating dominance of your awesome forward momentum.
Step 6) You'll get it eventually.
3) DRINKING!
Takuya, fortunately for governments around the world, was born without much of the enzyme that breaks down alcohol.
1 DRINK!
2 DRINKS!
3 DRINKS!
er... 3 DRINKS!
4) AWARENESS OF THE SITUATION AND/OR CAMERA!
There's nothing waitresses like more than drums.
Seriously.
Cheese?
How about now?
5) ENGLISH!
Actual quotes:
"Um... Brento... Do Canadians Cry Maple Syrup?"
Someone: "What do you think of Nick being your brother in law?" Takuya: "Um.... Very Maybe."
Eventually I will track down a better video, as I definitely put him on the spot in this case. Nonetheless, here's a video of him trying to explain that we are friends.
This could also be filed under drinking.
Ａｌｌ ｔｈｅ Japanese you need for this video:
"Eigo" (sounds like "Eggo") English "Eigo De" In English "hiyaku" Hurry up!
Best trivia: Takuya works as a High School English Tutor.
/which makes sense if you don't know a scrap of English, it has to be explained in Japanese first...
6) BODY LANGUAGE! One of the things that makes Takuya so great is the fact that he gestures wildly and flails around like some crazy westerner. This is not so typical for the Japanese, but it sure makes for fun social interaction.
/many more pictures are coming to this section.
7) RELATIONSHIPS!!! Oh... laaaadiessss???! HE'S SINGLE! /seriously. You should bump uglies with him.
He's...like...rich...
...and he promotes world peace.
And... if you're into dressing up like a cartoon character, he's kind of into that too.
They say that communication is 90% non verbal... and I believe it. Regardless of my limited Japanese skills and his unique English skills, we speak the same language.
Culture shock is what happens when you live in a foreign country, and you often become irritated or frustrated by all of the cultural differences. Culture Shock makes people bitter, angry and frustrated. It makes people hate all the little things that make a nation like Japan unique, and it has the potential to put a real damper on your ex-patriot life.
One way to fight Culture Shock is to be hellbent on being more shocking than any given cultural situation.
I have a dirty mind, a sick sense of humour and I firmly believe in eating very strange things to assert my rightful place on the food chain.
Welcome to my little window on Japansanity.
