Dear Japan,

You know I love you. I have come to care for you very deeply, and you will always remain very special to me. You know, we shared a lot over this past year and a half, and I hate to write you like this, but perhaps its easier for both of us. I put this letter off for a long time, thinking that you would just go away, but I just can't forget you. So I know this might hurt, but I have to say a few things.

You have a lot of good things going for you. Takuya, for example, will always be there for you. He is a wonderful and hilarious man, and he will take good care of making sure that you don't stay out of too much trouble.

You'll always be able to take solace in the Heinan Gardens in Kyoto, which are amazingly beautiful. Try not to let them get too much sun, will you?











The concrete Toriis - ah, they are interesting. One never knows what will happen when you walk through them. This little gate, for example, leads to one of the most controversial religious sites in the entire world! Remember how a single politician's visit sparked controversy across Asia? It sure doesn't look all that controversial from the outside....





Still - I'm so glad I visited these places while we were spending time together. I spend quite a bit of time considering the historical debate that this place ignites among your citizens (quietly, and with respectful aims towards consensus, of course!) and around the world.

Of course, you aren't afraid of public opinion at all, are you? Perhaps that is part of your charm, that you can be so fascinated with cultures from around the world - yet quietly refuse to bow to even the most torrential international pressure.

(Whale restaurant, anyone?)

Also, I have to tell you that you can sometimes drink a bit too much sake. This can bring out bad behaviour in your friends.


Of course, one of the things I like best about you is your beauty. There is something magical about the marks your citizens have made on the earth.


Thousands of years or thousands of pounds of steel and concrets - you've built some amazing things. In fact, some of them are stacked on top of each other!

Of course, no one is perfect. You have a few really serious fetishes that are a bit much.

Neon, for example. Someone needs to find the Tokyo neon sign guy and chain him up. Just for one week of the year. Please?

Furthermore, you have a shoe fetish that makes the entire cast of "Sex in the City" look like sensible women with a small number of comfortable shoes.

You also have that whole semi-porno cartoon thing going on. Which is cool and all - we all have our private lives - but do you really have to advertise it (and READ it) on the train?



Especially when any self-respecting businessman can so easily blow a week's salary at a hostess bar that provides ACTUAL, live, giggling girls that pour his drinks for him? I mean, you have about ten near every train station, so maybe you could open up a cartoon-porn-reading nook or something? What's that? You have those and they're called "comic book stores?".

Oh well. At least the hostess clubs believe in truthful advertising.

And you take care of them, too! You even have a place for those well paid hostesses to unwind over drinks poured by pretty boys with 70 000 yen haircuts.



So, you know that I love you, Japan. But, as with any pile of sashimi, stack of 1000 yen notes or year and a half of international adventure, all things must eventually come to a close. My time with you has been wonderful, educational, shocking (for both of us, I suppose) and more interesting than I ever hoped it could have been.

I learned several new languages (spoken Japanese, written Japanese, drunken businessman Japanese), made many new friends, and learned an entirely new set of cultural cues. (bow-lock anybody?)

Still, I had to leave you.

Why? Well, I found someone else, you see. Yes, I did know her all along, but now things are getting serious, and you just can't come between us any more.

Cheesy, silly, ridiculous love. You offered a life of adventure, Japan, but at the end of the day I'm going to come home instead. This love is good stuff – I suggest you try it some time. I’ll let you know how the whole marriage thing works out too– most likley with fewer offensive videos.

Anyway, I just wanted to write and let you know that I'm doing well. I'm sure you've got lots of boys that will give you the attention you crave.

I'll think of you often, I promise. Don't worry about me. I'll find some new adventures.

Tokyo, I'll miss ya. Don't offend too many people without me.

I took one last picture of you, from the bus on the way to the airport. I hope you don't mind.

PS: Write back soon.

Ryoanji – 竜安寺 or Rocking Enlightenment

Japanese shrines are famous for being ancient, tranquil and philosophical. Most likely, you are well aware of the concept of the rock garden. In concept, the Rock Garden is very simple – some monks place a bunch of rocks in a garden and contemplate them. Of course, there are 1001 cliches that one can use to justify the trip up to see one. In short – they are peaceful. This is something that you can gather from any stereotype, wikipedia entry and guidebook. What you can’t grasp without checking one out is the fact that the clichés are right. It *is* peaceful, and it does make you want to contemplate your place in the world.



And by "contemplate your place in the world", I definitely mean "strike stupid poses in front of thousand year old scenery"

One of the places that we visited in Kyoto is called “Ryoanji”. It's famous. And popular.




Amazingly, despite the crowd, it's somehow actually easy to find peaceful spots throughout the shrine.






Most famous, and probably most peaceful is the famous rock garden that Ryoanji boasts. Rock gardens are sculpted out of .... well... rocks. But they are sculpted to represent waves, water and the motion that goes with them. Somewhere in the representation of chaos and movement in a static field of rock is a scene that actually makes you want to sit and think. I actually did sit and think for about twenty minutes. The garden was calming, relaxing and rather amazing. Although a good ten minutes of my twenty minute think was focused on the potential enlightenment potential of the word "cannonball", I did manage to restrain myself from following that spiritual path.

But man, it would have been ugly if I was better at zen.

In any case, this garden is actually a well known signpost on the path to enlightenment. Legend has it that anyone who can see the 14 stones in this garden at the same time has truly reached enlightenment.

Let's try to get 14.



Three...or maybe four, depending on how you count that cracked one.



Seven rocks and seven tourists that are still looking at PICTURES OF THE ROCK GARDEN! GAH! IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! (pant pant pant....sort of fourteen....)



Seven.



Two! Gar. Getting farther from zen peace with each picture.



Six! This is about as well as I'll do.



A 90 degree rotation yields.... three.





One ... and a cross? Interesting.

In any case, I did find enlightenment there. Maybe it’s because the “bu” in “burento” or “無連斗” also happens to translate as “zen”, but I figured it out.

All you need to do is look at the Rock Garden from the TOP.



Ha! Instant enlightenment. Leave your 100 yen coin in the box at the door and don't forget to tip your waiter, ladies and gentlemen. The above is a picture of a scale model of the garden. I wouldn't want to post instant enlightenment here on my blog. I'd rather you read at least a few articles and find enlightenment. If you *really* want to understand enlightenment, you should start with the penis festival.


Now that we're somewhat enlightened, anyway, we can move on to the second amazing thing about Ryoanji.




This fountain is actually contains a symbol that consists of four different kanji, all of which use the centre box as part of their shape.




吾　唯　足　知

These can be translated in several ways.

According to Google, they mean “Our (something) foot knowledge”.

This is very deep, but my friend Dave had a better translation:

“Learn only to be contented”.

Or, in other words, you should educate yourself, but your goal should be contentment. Don't worry as much about competing with others or achieving certain targets. You should study things that make you content.

Pretty cool. In fact, the next time you are bummed out because you failed a test, you can bust out some zen philosophy to rationalize away those “C” marks to your heart’s content!

In an even more brilliant melding of zen philosophy and Japanese ingenuity, this very same symbol is available at the gift shop. You can get it as a key chain, paper weight, or best of all, with the centre hole re-purposed as a beer bottle opener.

Now that’s spiritual enlightenment I can work with!