Sometimes, I am reminded that Japanese is often more formal than English. To properly express a given meaning in a given situation, sometimes you need a lot more talking.
Bill Murray's character demonstrates some of what might get lost in translation during an aptly named movie (er, "Lost in Translation", for those of you asleep in your sashimi). During this scene, Bill Murray's actor character (Bob) is trying to shoot a commercial with a Japanese Director.
Here's the scene, translated fully into English. (Thanks Wikipedia!)
Bob: Does he want me to, to turn from the right or turn from the left?
Interpreter (in formal Japanese, to the director): He has prepared and is ready. And he wants to know, when the camera rolls, would you prefer that he turn to the left, or would you prefer that he turn to the right? And that is the kind of thing he would like to know, if you don't mind.
Director (very brusquely, in colloquial Japanese): Either way is fine. That kind of thing doesn't matter. We don't have time, Bob-san, O.K.? You need to hurry. Raise the tension. Look at the camera. Slowly, with passion. It's passion that we want. Do you understand?
Interpreter (In English, to Bob): Right side. And, uh, with intensity.
I'm pretty sure this is spot on.
/of course, they might just be giving additional instructions here, like "On alternating Juesdays, this walkway is flooded with molten lava. Please use the other exit."
3) One of these things is not like the others.... one of these things just isn't the same...
4) You Have No Chance. Make Your Time.
5) What You Say?
What possessed me to plant an internet reference on the roof of this building, you ask?
Well, apart from suitably honouring what might be the greatest engrish translation ever to grace a 16 bit game console, I think it is important to preserve ancient cultural treasures. As such, I am entirely willing to part with some of my hard earned cash if I know it's going for a good cause, such as maintaining the roof. On the other hand, the definition of "ancient" works differently on the internet. On the net, "ancient" is about 1997. So, I thought it was important to preserve some ancient internet history in a place that has cultural relevance in the real world.
Yeah.
Moral High Ground.
I just claimed it to justify quoting a video game on a tile for a temple with a 1300 year history.
/hey. We paid, ok? ----------------------------------------------------
Anyway, if you aren't familiar with "All Your Base Are Belong To Us", it is a quote taken from an old Sega Genesis Video Game called "Zero Wing". I remember this from the days when the internet first started out as a place where a bunch of guys got their jollies by pretending to be girls in dirty chat rooms. It was one of the first internet phenomena, and the infamous phrase was inserted into a huge number of images made famous by various forwards. These images are all a little dated, but I don't doubt that you'll recognize many of them.
Throw in a nice techno sound track and you have a bit of internet history. One that now graces the roof of a famous historical building.
Hmmm... I never knew you were into that. But ok. I'd love to be a "beatus" person. Still, I'm pretty sure that the people who translated "Beatus" as "happy" were...uh.... "tops". But that still sounds like my kind of micro cosmos.
You can always dream. In Kyoto, you can even dream of becoming "Delivery Health", or as we say in English "Prostitutes".
Overheard in Osaka: "Hey Baby! Let's have a quick pants party! Right here! Awwww.... C'mon!!!"
This one goes out to Matt and all the real tight peeps in Shimokitazawa. I never knew there was so much anger on the Odakyu Line. Stand proud, 小田急線の巨人。
For some reason, Scott decided to attend University after spending time with me in Japan.
For those crazy kids classes, Dave gets into his ever popular "Bozo the Touchtastic Gaijin Clown" character.
Top: Nope.. I'm not explaining this. I'M NOT EXPLAINING THIS. NO. NOT YOURS.
aargh... a "top" is the dominant person in a sexual relationship. Here, the person "beating" other person/people.
Geishas are one of the wonderful stereotypes of Japanese mythology. Recently, I've had a chance to enjoy some exciting times with some very different Geishas.
For example, "The Geisha" at Fujiyu highland. She is both a good Geisha, and a very, very naughty Geisha. You know... the slutty kind that tie their kimonos in the front.
I first saw this rolling monstrosity of a Japanese lady some time back, while she was still in her Maiko (apprentice/training/construction) phase.
At the time, I had no idea where the bloody train would go on a loop that seemed to leave no way for the train not to violently throw people out of the cars....
Ah.... this is where "the brilliance" comes in. I say "the brilliance" because these folk have taken the whole "suspended" roller coaster to a whole new level. In fact, this crazy girl flips you upside down FOURTEEN TIMES!
How? Well, by mounting the cars on the side of the tracks, rather than on top or below, the chairs are freed to spin in any direction. To keep you from being blasted out of your seatbelt while facing the wrong way on a loop-de-loop, the coaster rides on two sets of tracks. The distance between the two sets controls the angle of the cars.
Yeah.... it's pretty incredible.
Genius.
Oh, and did I mention the coaster also features a ninety degree drop?
...
One that you do FACE FIRST.
But you don't need to take my word about how much fun the ride is. You see, I was sure to have a handy fun-o-meter handy: A friend with big hair.
In other words, "Big" Fun.
She's a Good Geisha, but also a scary Geisha.
Right team?
YEAH!!!
Bonus points if you spotted the fact that someone went missing from the "YEAH" pose.
I suppose you feel pretty bad about opening up a post about Geishas and getting something about roller coasters.
Well folks, I didn't manage to write much over the break after all, but I did have heaps of turkey and heaps of fun. I'll fill in the blanks over the next few days, but I wanted to share one particularly interesting bit that bridges the gap between Canada and Japan nicely. Or filthily, as I prefer to call it.
There are a number of wonderfully thoughtful people in Canada who I am proud to call my friends. One of these gifts was a very amusing shirt with the phrase
I'M HUGE IN JAPAN
written on in a vaguely oriental script. There are also some kanji written below the English sentence. I didn't wear the shirt during the day, but I described the characters to a friend and she informed me that they probably meant "giant body".
Now this is rather funny, because (for my 日本人 readers) huge can mean "large" or also "popular". Since this shirt was marketed to English speakers via the internet, one could assume that the two jokes to this sentence were...
1) That I may not seem big here, but in Japan, I'm VERY big! 2) You might not know who I am, but I'm VERY popular in Japan!
The fact that neither of these things is really all that true serves for a third joke, and I happily wore the shirt all day and showed it to a few of my students who found it to be even more hilarious than I expected.
Of course, little did I know, but a fourth joke had been hard at work without my knowledge. Near the end of the day, I actually showed the shirt to one of my Japanese co-workers. Her eyes went wide, and she said "Brent!!!" and hit me in the arm a few times. This is the standard treatment for when I test out new and dirty Japanese*.
Here's the shirt.
No doubt any J-readers are laughing now. Just so the rest of you can join in... it turns out that I didn't describe the Kanji correctly to my friend in the first place. Those Kanji don't mean "Huge Body", but rather "Huge Penis".
As I said to Dave after finding this out in a scotch bar, much to the amusement of the regulars... I guess it's an ego claim like wearing a Superman Shirt, but lower.
* An example of this behaviour is as follows: Eg:
Brent: おまんこはたのしです！！ （Vaginas are fun!) Co-worker: BRENT!!!! Stop Being Disgusting!! (Hit hit hit)
First of all, NSFW stands for “not safe for work”.
Thus, you can probably guess that this post won’t be very clean, seeing as reading it at work is probably grounds for losing your job. So, don’t read this at work. More specifically, don’t play the video.
Why? Because this is a very rude post!
You shouldn't read it unless you already know or want to learn some very dirty English words.
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I’ve been teaching English for quite awhile. I think that I am a pretty good teacher, and about lessons are generally rather fun. I will admit, however, that next group of teachers taught such an interesting English lesson that other teachers will even be tempted to sign up.
Watch, enjoy, learn and grow as you see fit.
And by the way, that production was by far the most exciting way to ended in this lesson I’ve ever heard of.
So hold onto your virgin years, as I present to you...HOW TO SPEAK SEXY ENGLISH!
Language and Culture notes:
1) It’s spelled “mastUrbation”, not “mastErbation”.
2) I love that they censored the Japanese word for "Pussy", but not the Japanese word for "Cock". This in spite of the fact that they included a thirty second close-up shot of said (CENSORED).
3) I think they missed the mark with “cockpit”. I’d never heard of this used to describe anything other than the place where you drive an airplane from. I can see how they wanted to show a Pit (eg, a hole) is a good place to put a Cock, but I would have used two words (Cock Pit) and separated this metaphor from the other more widely used terms.
Back me up here, but if some girl told me to get to the "Cockpit" when when we weren’t on a plane, I'd think she was crazy. Mind you, if that girl lifted up her kilt and said “the goal to me in the complex!!!” most people would be able to figure out what she meant. So girls, don’t worry too much. If you show someone your underwear and say “Gargle me timbers and shiver the lasses!” or “Slinky My Cockpit!”, most guys will be able to figure it out.
/and girls complain that guys don’t understand subtle non-verbal communication. You just need to wear a kilt and demonstrate your intentions a little more clearly.
4) "Case of Taro" sounds a bit strange. Any of the following would be more grammatically accurate:
- Taro’s Story
- Taro’s Skit
- Taro’s Case
- Taro's Adventure In GaikokuPussyLand
- The Time That Taro Got Blown By His Teacher During Class...YEAH!!
5) The dialogue is spoken and transcribed a bit strangely. Here' s a revised script. My suggestions are in CAPITALS.
A: Hi Taro!
B: Hi Gloria, what’s up?
A: NOT MUCH…yeah… this is A /MY pussy
B: I see… this is A/MY dick.
A: IT’S A dick, not A cock, IS IT?
B: I'LL BE God Damned, you can say “Cock” too, CAN’T YOU?
I would say that “God Damned” is a bit strong for this situation. Maybe “Oh yeah, I forgot!” would be better).
A: All right, this is MY cockpit, isn’t it?
Cockpit: pussy, vagina, moist neither regions, bearded clam, whatever…. Cockpit is not so clear.
Isn’t it?: I think that she should have used falling intonation here instead of rising intonation. She isn’t asking him whether she just showed him her crotch… she’s telling him. So, “isn’t it.”
B: Yeah! I want to put MY COCK in(to) (there/you/your pussy)!
A: YOU WANT TO PUT YOUR dick inside MY pussy?
B: You are good at GIVING BLOW jobS, aren’t you?
(Dude!!! Why are you backpeddling??? She's so into you!!!)
A: Do you want to FIND OUT?
A & B: YEAH!
(This is exactly correct. When fooling around in English, people turn ninety degrees. Men turn to the right and women turn to the left. After this, both yell “YEAH!” immediately before any sexual activities.)
Overall, a well prepared lesson. Good elicitation and nice use of props and “realia”. Most of all, great job on student participation. Keep up the good work, and maybe bring another teacher to participate for the next lesson. That way, the class is sure to expand.
Language help for the language help:
/fortunately for me, most of the dirty words have already been explained...which is the point of this whole post.
Backpeddling: To go backwards, (as in pedal your bike backwards, or run backwards)... to back away from something you were headed towards before.
GaikokuPussyLand: "Gaijin" (outsider/foreigner) is actually quite a rude word in Japanese... "Gaikokujin" (person from another country) is considered much more polite. "Jin" means "person", so instead of person, I included a crass joke.
The job hazards related to teaching English are rather few and far between. Mostly, they are non-job related, and consist of such things as
1) Being semi regularly accosted by the police to make sure that you didn't steal the bicycle you are riding, and that you are in the country legally (3x to date).
2) Falling asleep on the train and going WAAAAY too far. (7x at least)
3) Being totally unable to express important thoughts like "Does it come in a light beige?" or "Where the hell does this bus go?" (A lot, but less common than a year ago)
To be honest, the sole hazards on the job as I have experienced them are mostly related to being accidentally insulted by students trying to make leaps of language.
Case and point was a while back when I asked my students to describe me, and the first one said..
"Umm....I think you're....chubby!"
All truthiness aside, this is still clearly not a good thing to say.
A related example came during a recent discussion of the health benefits of Japanese food. I pointed out that I have lost about 13kg since arriving, and thanked a combination of being more active and eating more healthily. One student nodded... then said sagely:
"Hmm... that IS interesting. You should lose another 13 kilograms."
While this...true, I did point out that it is generally considered rude to tell people to lose weight, regardless of whether or not they need to.
One of the best, though, came in a recent lesson on metaphors. I asked students to compare themselves to animals. They responded in kind, coming up with reasonable suggestions like cats, birds and bears. Then I asked them to think of one for me.
Student:(ponders....) I know! You are calm, thoughtful and you aren't...how do you say (waves hands frantically around)... Me:Hectic? Busy? Student:Yes! umm... you're like a ... COW! Me: .... um.... Student: YES! You always take care when you correct us and that is thoughtful... like a Cow, right? Me: Um...well... (writing "Cow" and "Bull" on the board)....first of all, "Cows" are female, and they are often associated with stupidity...
Of course, it's hard to be really insulted. I know that she was trying to be very flattering, and just got mixed up in the cultural connotations animals have. For example, Japanese people have a really hard time with "As quiet as a mouse", because mice are considered to be noisy and annoying here. In the end, it's my job as a teacher to make sure she doesn't get into any fistfights later in life.
And... I suppose Japanese people don't have the best impression of what cows are like...
But come on! It's still clearly a female cow. ... that's run out of Advil...
(I don't know if you can tell, but I'm ducking behind my keyboard here....)
ANYWAY... we're going to awkwardly segue into another common area for accidental insults: the fact that words can mean different things to British and North American speakers of English.
For example:
Harmless North American English story: I had a rough time yesterday while running to catch a ride! I was headed out the door, and I caught my pants on the the knob! At first, I was pissed, but then I smiled, because I realized that I'd forgotten my fanny pack!
What it means to a North American: I had a difficult time yesterday while running to catch my car-pool. I was headed out the door when I caught my jeans on the door handle. At first, I was angry, but then I smiled because I realized I'd forgotten my waist bag!
How it sounds to a British Person: I had a rough time yesterday while running to have some sex. I was headed out the door, and I caught my women's underwear on the penis! At first, I was drunk, but then I smiled, because I realized that I'd forgotten my package of vaginas!
Culture shock is what happens when you live in a foreign country, and you often become irritated or frustrated by all of the cultural differences. Culture Shock makes people bitter, angry and frustrated. It makes people hate all the little things that make a nation like Japan unique, and it has the potential to put a real damper on your ex-patriot life.
One way to fight Culture Shock is to be hellbent on being more shocking than any given cultural situation.
I have a dirty mind, a sick sense of humour and I firmly believe in eating very strange things to assert my rightful place on the food chain.
Welcome to my little window on Japansanity.
