Ancient History: All Your Base

First, let me set the scene with a few short pictures.

A picture story, if you will.


1) You know already that this won't end well.



2) Modus Operandi (It's Latin -> definition)


3) One of these things is not like the others.... one of these things just isn't the same...


4) You Have No Chance. Make Your Time.


5) What You Say?



What possessed me to plant an internet reference on the roof of this building, you ask?

Well, apart from suitably honouring what might be the greatest engrish translation ever to grace a 16 bit game console, I think it is important to preserve ancient cultural treasures. As such, I am entirely willing to part with some of my hard earned cash if I know it's going for a good cause, such as maintaining the roof. On the other hand, the definition of "ancient" works differently on the internet. On the net, "ancient" is about 1997. So, I thought it was important to preserve some ancient internet history in a place that has cultural relevance in the real world.

Yeah.

Moral High Ground.

I just claimed it to justify quoting a video game on a tile for a temple with a 1300 year history.


/hey. We paid, ok?
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Anyway, if you aren't familiar with "All Your Base Are Belong To Us", it is a quote taken from an old Sega Genesis Video Game called "Zero Wing". I remember this from the days when the internet first started out as a place where a bunch of guys got their jollies by pretending to be girls in dirty chat rooms. It was one of the first internet phenomena, and the infamous phrase was inserted into a huge number of images made famous by various forwards. These images are all a little dated, but I don't doubt that you'll recognize many of them.

Throw in a nice techno sound track and you have a bit of internet history. One that now graces the roof of a famous historical building.

Enjoy.

Kyoto Signage

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

Sometimes, at least 60% of those words are dirty.



I love those times.



Hmmm... I never knew you were into that. But ok. I'd love to be a "beatus" person. Still, I'm pretty sure that the people who translated "Beatus" as "happy" were...uh.... "tops". But that still sounds like my kind of micro cosmos.




You can always dream. In Kyoto, you can even dream of becoming "Delivery Health", or as we say in English "Prostitutes".



Overheard in Osaka: "Hey Baby! Let's have a quick pants party! Right here! Awwww.... C'mon!!!"




This one goes out to Matt and all the real tight peeps in Shimokitazawa. I never knew there was so much anger on the Odakyu Line. Stand proud, 小田急線の巨人。　





For some reason, Scott decided to attend University after spending time with me in Japan.




For those crazy kids classes, Dave gets into his ever popular "Bozo the Touchtastic Gaijin Clown" character.



Top: Nope.. I'm not explaining this. I'M NOT EXPLAINING THIS. NO. NOT YOURS.

aargh... a "top" is the dominant person in a sexual relationship. Here, the person "beating" other person/people.

Compotabilty Conspiracy? Let's Go Down!

Ever since a friend of mine spent 2000 yen trying to win an "English Dictionaly" from a UFO catcher, I have admitted the possibility that the writers of some of the hystierical Engrish around me are laughing too. Are we simply falling victim to a massive linguistic conspiracy? Perhaps I am being totally outsmarted by people who might not know how to form a fully correct English sentence, but who certainly know how to form a highly amusing *incorrect* sentence.

Take this video game console for example:



A friend spotted it in Daiei, and you'd better believe that a few thousand yen loosened themselves in my wallet in preparation to fight for this linguistic treasure. Imagine it: a video game console that manages to be inclusive (EVERYBODY!!), instead of judgemental and mocking because you suck at dodgeball. (ahem)... AND....wonderful chance.... EVERYBODY GETS OFF! Ah, geekdom! They've even thrown in an incorrect "Let's" to seal the deal! Rejoice, for your salvation is only a few thousand yen of UFO clawing power away...

Oh! Glorious Temptationing!

(shakes self off...)

So, you see how a well placed "Get off" can make a product so much more desirable to the English consumer.

And then... much like the oft-clutched-at prize, this idea slips between my inept, underpowered mechanical fingers. Assuming that there is a language conspiracy is pretty freaking self-centered.

I honestly feel that marketers simply don't care. They phrase things in ways that they know the Japanese consumer will understand (eg 95% of the market), rather than trying to sneakily con the other 5% (is it even that high?). I don't deny that a few savvy marketers have probably managed to kill those two very different sized birds with a few well placed dirty double entendres, but I have to believe that this is the exception, not the norm.

To boot, my belief in a hyperliterate english-abusing Japanese marketing elite "takes blow" (A!! A!!) every time I teach a lesson on "Phrasal Verbs"
that goes horribly, horribly wrong.


"The other day, I ate out my parents!" (ate out WITH!)

"I came into Masa yesterday" (RAN into!)

Adam Sensei: Come on Keiko! Come on Keiko! Let's go!!!
4 year old Keiko: Come on...me? (GAK!!!)




And... besides.... those UFO prizes are all made in China.

... those guys LOVE a good conspiracy!

Sweet Japan Pics #9: What time is it?

Digestion time, apparently.