Showing posts with label trains. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trains. Show all posts

Monday, February 05, 2007

Sunrise on the Odakyu

The early morning train is most often the end of an evening for me, but that doesn't mean I don't stop to enjoy a good sunrise...

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Ah.... scenic Noborito.


I also enjoy taking personal bets on the number of stops sleeping people will ride before they realize they've missed their stop. My personal record is.... oh... about forty.

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/seriously.

//It took me over 2 hours to get home...

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

illegallity for your amusement and education

The transit system in Japan is amazing, and I've written many times that it is a model of how density can improve your life.

But what if you've forgotten your wallet? What if you had no money? In a car based society, one could hitchhike, or beg the bus driver to let you on. Here in Japan, hitchhiking for the train is not so effective....and the bus drivers...well...they don't speak English so well, so "begging" doesn't work.

So, for your education, dear reader, several friends and I engaged in an academic exercise...

HOW TO CHEAT THE TRAIN SYSTEM
(Four Handy Methods and One Disclaimer)


There are several main schools of thought about the best way to engage in this activity (sport?).

SCHOOL ONE: Don't do this.

The first school of thought suggests quite clearly that this is an illegal activity, and you can probably be sent to pounding-you-in-the-behind-by-a-sumo-wrestler prison if you do it too often. Anyway... the penalties are quite severe (so stay tuned!) After all, you are making use of the service, so... I seriously suggest that you buy a ticket. Er...and do remember that cameras have been mounted at all of the station gates...so you may get booked if you use this knowledge for the cause of evil.

Of course, unless you feel like making funny videos while you wait for a friend. Then... well... go to town.

SCHOOL TWO: Clueless Drunken Foreigner Bash Through Style

This is probably the most widely used form of train-gate missing. It quite simply means "walking through the gate" and giving your best "I'm a stupid foreigner and I don't know how to work this crazy Japanese stuff" look to any train staff you make eye contact with. They will usually decide that you are too much effort to deal with and wave you through.

It looks like this:



I've used this trick a few times (*almost* exclusively by accident). It works better the less you shave and the more confused you look.


SCHOOL THREE: Super Samurai Somersault Style

I think the name pretty much says it all. This method can be used in two ways. You can either try to barrel through as fast as possible and hope that the gate doesn't bash you in the face. Or... you can strategically note the placement of the sensor beams, cover them, and edge your way through until you think you can jump through before the electronic senors realize that the jig is up. Good, except during rush hour.



For the record, this style is known to be 70% more effective if you provide your own "Mission Impossible" Soundtrack.

EDIT: Some folks have complained of video trouble with this one, so I've reloaded and reposted for your repeated enjoyment.




SCHOOL FOUR: 2 - for - 1 Fire Man Carry Bonus Style

This one is more about strategy than physical prowess, though it takes a slight amount of technique. The trick is to balance one train customer on top of the other so you can use a single ticket. This makes your subterfuge less noticeable, as you will not set off the alarm trigger. On the other hand, you will clearly be carrying someone else. Try it if the guard is sleeping.





SCHOOL FIVE: SUPER TURBO SECRET LONG JUMPING STYLE

This is probably the most satisfying method to use. In it, you attempt to clear the gates in a single bound, avoiding the sensors and thereby winning glory for your entire deadbeat family (you rapscallion). If you manage to limit the size of your hop, you can probably get this done without alerting the station staff. It'll just between you and the maker, so start thinking about whether your eternal soul is really worth 130 yen. Well? Is it?

Here, Ben Sensei answers with a firm "no".



Oh... and stay tuned for the heavy handed response at the end from the station staff. He really fixes Ben good for using their property as a metaphorical transit chew-toy.



Ok, it's poll time... what's in his head?



1) Take that, foreign hooligans!!! It's my shakey hand! You'd better say "sorry" in Japanese or else....

2) Thank you very much for not jumping repeatedly through the gates for the past twenty five minutes!

3) I. hate. this. job.

4) Phew... what's that smell???

5) Look... I know I failed out of cop school...but seriously...where did life go wrong?




I'm open to suggestions, either for the "what's going through the station staffer's mind"... or for other academics' thoughts on this fine art.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Really Sorta Kinda Fast?

The amazing network of trains here definitely one of the greatest parts of Tokyo, as innumerable lines connect more ramen shops, dance clubs and instant - photo booths to your doorstep than anywhere else on earth - and that's a good thing.

Express trains were absent from the handful of lines that serve my native Toronto (which embarrassingly doesn't even have a rail link from the airport!). But here, they are one of the tools that the private companies use to draw business away from the formerly government-controlled Japan Rail (JR) lines. JR uses some limited express trains, but they make do with a much smaller variety of Express systems. Some of the private lines, on the other hand, seem to have gone crazy with the Thesaurus and the word "Fast". This makes it both confusing and amusing to use some of the networks.

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Bonus comedy points for "Semi Special Express".

Even more confusing is the fact that all the companies seem to have used different thesauruses (thesaurusi?)

For example, here on the Odakyu Line, the Rapid express is the Express train with the fewest stops, whereas the Keio Line above uses the "Rapid" as the Express train with the most stops.
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I'm just going to write down as many words as I can that involve speed. Private rail operators? I'm looking to see at least 10 more train options within a few weeks, ok?


Turbo
Hyper
Quick
Speedy
Lightning-Quick
Quick
Psuedo-Quick
Fast


Er.... or you could try a whole new and wonderful palette of words! Imagine the possibilities!!!

Ride the Sensitive Feminine Express for fifteen minutes, get off... then get on the Vapid Whorish Republican Line for a bit. Wait until the Delightful Titillating Verklempt Express comes, then ride it for twenty minutes until it stops completely. Be careful because if you wait on it too long, you'll get thrown off, so get off on your own before that. Finally, you can take the Witty Tender Cheerful Line home. Don't forget to get off at your stop!


Finally, you should have a cigarette.



Language Help:

Verklempt is actually from Yiddish (a Jewish language). It means "overcome with emotion".

Vapid means empty-headed, or stupid.

Titillating means "excited".

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Maximum Denshitty

When someone mentions Tokyo, one of the things that comes to mind is the public transportation system. Tokyo's trains are a miraculous tangle of steel spaghetti that carries millions of people around the city with to-the-minute precision. They are operated by about ten different groups, including the metropolitan government, the national rail company, and a host of department store companies. (The department store operators are actually quite brilliant to have built train lines... all of the major transfer points are situated beneath branches of their stores, so they use the train lines to bring customers in.) Overall, there are so many train lines that you can usually get from point A to point B three or four different ways.

Maybe some maps would help.

Here's a map of the JR lines in the greater Tokyo area.
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The most crowded train line in the world is the Yamanote Line. It's the green circle in the middle of the map.


Oh, and there are also these private lines that run in the same area.

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Oh yeah...there's a third map for the subway trains. The gray line here on the subway map is the Yamanote line (the green one above)
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Keep in mind that these maps cover much of the same area. Separate maps are used because they would have to resort to using Queer Eye For The Straight Guy colours to keep all of the lines...straight. ("Take the tope line to the teal line, then transfer to the mauve one!") There are also a whole bunch of private lines that cover the outlying area that aren't represented on this map.

Apart from being amazingly well integrated into the city, Tokyo's trains are also known for being...crowded.

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This isn't always the case, and generally you can physically fit onto any given train. There are a few exceptions though. Trains can be crowded during rush hour, obviously, but the worst amount of overcrowding often happens on "Last Train". Since so many trains run each day (The Yamanote Line that circles the city runs every two minutes during peak hours, and every five minutes otherwise) they shut down the network between about 1 am and 5 am for maintenance. Unfortunately, this can mean that lots of people want to take the train...which leads to this:

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These shots are from the Denentoshi Line, which runs west from Shibuya.

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One thing I love about this situation is that these shots are from the SECOND to last train, which has has already been jammed to capacity. The sad looking people on the platform were physically unable to squeeze themselves onto the train.

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This is what they look like as the train pulls away.


On the inside of the last train, things can look a little like this.

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How on earth do you deal with this sort of situation and not go crazy or feel claustrophobic?

Well... on your birthday, the solution is actually quite easy.

Chug scotch from a bottle, and try really hard to get the commuters to join you.
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They won't, but you'll at least free up some space for your drinking arm...

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Despite the pun in the title of today's post, I actually love the Tokyo transit system. The train near my little pocket of Tokyo's "Suburbia" runs every twelve minutes at worst, and every five minutes in the morning. Riding trains might not offer the door-to-door, on demand experience of cars, but what they have to offer is much better: peace of mind. Riding trains is convenient, social, easy and sometimes, drunken. You never worry about so many of the things that make car ownership a pain in the you-know-where: parking, sobriety, insurance, traffic, gas prices, accidents, road rage.... the list goes on and on.

Take a moment and think about the pictures of the train ride above. Despite the fact that I had a rather intimate experience with about seven strangers simultaneously, I still didn't get off the train angry, or stressed, or tired. Now think about what it would be like twenty times the usual number of cars clogged your evening commute. I would guess that somewhere near a thousand people (more?) jammed themselves onto two trains while I watched, we still reached our destination in exactly 21 minutes. Now think of adding an extra thousand cars to your local highway over a ten minute span. Think you'd still get home in 21 minutes?

Furthermore, I firmly believe that the train network here allows people to be more social. Would you drive alone in a car for an hour just to meet your friend for dinner and a few drinks? Maybe, but how often? An hour on a train listening to music or reading a book leaves you energized, where an hour in a car leaves you drained.

I've always been at least a moderate advocate of public transit. After more than a year of riding the rails here, you can officially check off "rabid screaming teenage fan club" for my level level of excitement. I still haven't asked any train conductors to sign my ass, but you never know.


Oh, and for the record, I don't mind crowds. They mind me.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Weird Shit

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There are no words.


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A SERIOUSLY crowded train.

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More from the same Nambu Line. This was friday night - last train. Man there were a lot of drunk people on this train. so many drunk people that it was very, very difficult to breathe, and about 10 people would be forced out of the doors each time they opened. The pusher guys with the white gloves were out in full force.

SWEET.