Monday, November 27, 2006

Do Canadians cry maple syrup? Very Maybe.

Sometimes, you get a chance to meet someone who is truly hilarious. My ego and I consider ourselves to be a rather humourous *sometimes*, but these people go well beyond "funny". I'm not about to hurt feelings or launch careers by naming names, but you can rest easy, dear reader, as you are at or near the top of list, (or will be when I meet you). Still, over the last year or so, I have enjoyed spending time with a certain man of inordinate comic talent. He's not just funny, ladies and gentlemen, he is a master of inter-cultural comic timing, slightly limited vocabulary and more slapstick than you could shake charlie chaplin holding a rubber chicken at. I'm a big fan of the oversell, but it's hard to do justice to the original. Let's just say I pray that I have a video camera on the day he finds a banana peel on the ground.

Some time ago, I promised that you'd hear about this man... so.... without further ado, I present...


Takuya!

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Perhaps some background is important. I had the pleasure of meeting Takuya through two very wonderful gentlemen.

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These guys would be Nick and Atsushi, who are both great guys that spent a lot of time as the closest of clothed friends. During his time here, Nick had the distinct pleasuring of meeting a delightful girl named Maki. Takuya is that girl's brother.

The story of when Nick and Takuya first met goes something like this.

Nick was very worried about meeting his girlfriend's older brother. After all, he had never met any Japanese family, and he worried greatly about how to impress the fellow. The day finally came, and he met Maki at her house. She introduced her brother, who bowed slightly and shook Nick's hand. Nick didn't quite know what to say, but stammered a greeting...
"Hello," he said. "Nice to meet you. I'm Nick."
"Nick," said Takuya thoughtfully. "You are my dream."
"....???" Nick's entire relationship flashed before his eyes, as Maki just about laughed herself silly.
"Takuya!" she chuckled. "You want to say 'what is your dream?'"

The rest, as they say, is history. Even with Nick apologetically having departed for the shores of New Jersey, I still hang out quite often with Takuya and Atsushi. Fortunately, our good friend Atsushi is quite capable in both English and Japanese. He is thus able to rescue Takuya and I from the occasional conversation consisting of "YES! IT IS DELICOUS! I LIKE IT LOTS!" "私も!美味しいです!”

That said, Takuyua and I have managed to form our own little blend of English and Japanese. You see, his English is quite a bit better than my Japanese, but we still often resort to wild gestures and pointing to share our ideas.

For example, this is "good communication" of the concept of "Good".
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Here, we demonstrate "Bad".
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One of the things that makes Takuya such a fun fellow is the fact that he holds within him the unrivaled comic blend absolute confidence and general ineptitude. It's a simple inverted arithmetical relationship, where the worse he is at something, the more you can expect him to boast and dive straight in. So, generally, you can assume that lots of confidence means of lots of hysterical disaster.

This isn't to say that he's a cocky, overconfident ass, because that would be far from the truth and a great injustice. I'm about to make fun of him a whole lot, so I want to make it absolutely clear that his presence guarantees an entertaining night, and I do enjoy spending time with him. He's earnest, fun and a good guy all around. Thus, he makes for a ripe target. I respect his confidence, and his cheer. He just good-naturedly does his best at everything, and tries especially hard when he's... bad at stuff. I dearly love the man, and I love the fact that he smiles his way through any setback.

So... now that I've been extra complimentary, hopefully that will make up for the photographic evidence I'm about to present. Without further ado, let's dive into...



A STEP BY STEP PHOTOGRAPHIC GUIDE TO TAKUYA'S GREATEST HITS*!


*misses.


1) HITTING STUFF!


Let's start with a simple wear-a-blindfold-and-whack-a-watermelon game.

Step 1) Approach the watermelon

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Step 2) Find some psuedo-nearby dirt

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Step 3) Hit the dirt so hard you break the stick.

/seriously. He smashed the metal stick in half.



2) BOATING!!

Step 1) Get into the boat facing the wrong way. That's important. It will help remind your friend to get his camera out and start taking pictures.

Step 2) Generally, a large pond doesn't have that many opportunities to hit the trees. Do so anyway.
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Step 3) Check the instructions.
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Step 4) Fold yourself into the "power" position. YOOOOOSH!!!! PULL REALLY FREAKING HARD!!
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Step 5) Gloat in boating dominance of your awesome forward momentum.
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Step 6) You'll get it eventually.
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3) DRINKING!

Takuya, fortunately for governments around the world, was born without much of the enzyme that breaks down alcohol.

1 DRINK!
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2 DRINKS!
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3 DRINKS!
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er... 3 DRINKS!
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4) AWARENESS OF THE SITUATION AND/OR CAMERA!

There's nothing waitresses like more than drums.
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Seriously.
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Cheese?
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How about now?
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5) ENGLISH!

Actual quotes:

"Um... Brento... Do Canadians Cry Maple Syrup?"

Someone: "What do you think of Nick being your brother in law?"
Takuya: "Um.... Very Maybe."

Eventually I will track down a better video, as I definitely put him on the spot in this case. Nonetheless, here's a video of him trying to explain that we are friends.

This could also be filed under drinking.


All the Japanese you need for this video:

"Eigo" (sounds like "Eggo") English
"Eigo De" In English
"hiyaku" Hurry up!





Best trivia: Takuya works as a High School English Tutor.

/which makes sense if you don't know a scrap of English, it has to be explained in Japanese first...


6) BODY LANGUAGE!
One of the things that makes Takuya so great is the fact that he gestures wildly and flails around like some crazy westerner. This is not so typical for the Japanese, but it sure makes for fun social interaction.


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/many more pictures are coming to this section.


7) RELATIONSHIPS!!!
Oh... laaaadiessss???! HE'S SINGLE!
/seriously. You should bump uglies with him.

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He's...like...rich...

...and he promotes world peace.
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And... if you're into dressing up like a cartoon character, he's kind of into that too.
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They say that communication is 90% non verbal... and I believe it. Regardless of my limited Japanese skills and his unique English skills, we speak the same language.
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... it's called "being crazy"

1 comment:

Brenda said...

Hi . . .I know I've stumbled on your blog and this particular post several years post-posting. But I just have to say "thanks" for the laugh. The boating with Takuya is hilarious. Strike a power pose. Very funny.