Showing posts with label fujikyu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fujikyu. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Good Geisha, Scary Geisha

Geishas are one of the wonderful stereotypes of Japanese mythology. Recently, I've had a chance to enjoy some exciting times with some very different Geishas.

For example, "The Geisha" at Fujiyu highland. She is both a good Geisha, and a very, very naughty Geisha. You know... the slutty kind that tie their kimonos in the front.


I first saw this rolling monstrosity of a Japanese lady some time back, while she was still in her Maiko (apprentice/training/construction) phase.


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At the time, I had no idea where the bloody train would go on a loop that seemed to leave no way for the train not to violently throw people out of the cars....

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Ah.... this is where "the brilliance" comes in. I say "the brilliance" because these folk have taken the whole "suspended" roller coaster to a whole new level. In fact, this crazy girl flips you upside down FOURTEEN TIMES!

How? Well, by mounting the cars on the side of the tracks, rather than on top or below, the chairs are freed to spin in any direction. To keep you from being blasted out of your seatbelt while facing the wrong way on a loop-de-loop, the coaster rides on two sets of tracks. The distance between the two sets controls the angle of the cars.


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Yeah.... it's pretty incredible.

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Genius.

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Oh, and did I mention the coaster also features a ninety degree drop?

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...

One that you do FACE FIRST.




But you don't need to take my word about how much fun the ride is. You see, I was sure to have a handy fun-o-meter handy: A friend with big hair.

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In other words, "Big" Fun.

She's a Good Geisha, but also a scary Geisha.

Right team?

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YEAH!!!

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Bonus points if you spotted the fact that someone went missing from the "YEAH" pose.


I suppose you feel pretty bad about opening up a post about Geishas and getting something about roller coasters.


Hmmm... maybe some off kilter English

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Still not satisfied, are you?



Stay tuned.

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Winter Water Wonder

Ah, sweet Fuji kyu highlands.... such a wonderful source of amusement. I really have to hand it to those people. They keep the park open all year round! Imagine that! They toss in an ice skating rink, and give you an excuse to wear fun mittens!


Claire says "YEAH!"

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After all, you can't really be *truly* amused without a psychedelic Zamboni.

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Seriously, they even keep the water rides going! Outdoor water rides and outdoor ice skating, within fifty metres from one another. Ah... the pleasures of sweet double H single O. How I love thee, sweet Two HOs. All the wet fun I can handle.

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er...

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yeah..

Anyway... back to the wet and wild water ride. How does one deal with the actual "water" part of the water ride?

Easy.

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A roof!

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Ta da!! Now you can experience the thrill of a huge soaking wave...without the wave part.

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Of course, there is some temptation for visitors to get wet. After all, imagine if you wanted to clean your hair in the middle of winter? Wherever would you go?

I don't know about you, but I would certainly plaster my head full of shampoo, then ride butt-naked on the roof of the water ride.


er.... DAMN. You're not allowed to shampoo your blue afro.

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They think of everything here.


Lucas makes sure that all passers-by know what's up.

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"No hygiene for you! NO. Not yours!"



/yes yes... I know that the shampoo stuff is to keep smelly college students from using the water ride as a 4000/yen per day shower in the summer... but what's the fun in that? It's better to invent my own reality and drag y'all along.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Garbage Can Etiquette

Garbage cans in Japan have a certain etiquette, or set of manners, that you need to follow. For example, one important social custom is: Please place the garbage in the can.

Now, a garbage bin I saw relayed the background for why we do this, but I can't quite figure out whether the reasoning is...

Please do not eat the garbage, as this is why we have provided the can.

or

Please dispose of your garbage here. If you leave it out, wild crazy people with two teeth will come and eat it during the night.





The garbage cans are also quick to offer tips on the proper method of disposal.



The one on the right means:
Look chump, you are not Zidane, Ronaldo, or even David Beckham. Maybe you played little league football/soccer, and you were a hero to tens of your immediate family members, but you do not (repeat: *YOU DO NOT*) have the necessary talent to kick your garbage through this little hole. So, just drop it in nicely, ok??? Good. Now get over to the Squid-On-A-Stick stand and spend some freakin' money.

or maybe it's "Don't kick the garbage".

It's one of those. But in either case, you are encouraged to break wind with impunity.



Garbage cans also have guidelines for which sporting events are considered appropriate. For instance, this can symbolizes the fifth hole of the International One-Armed-Persons Nippon Trash Bash Open.



Mostly, I want to know where I can get a physics-defying golf club that launches garbage in the direction OPPOSITE the one I swing. Imagine how much fun you could have at the driving range freaking out the people behind you.

Excuse me.... Excuse ME! DON'T SWING TOWARDS US!!! AAAA!!! .... 400 yards? What?

In my limited Japanese:

すめません。。。  すみません!!!   だめ!!  だめ!!  ヤダ!!  ばか外人!! ああああああああ!!! ... 400m? なに?





Finally, we can end with a Pop Quiz:

Which of the following things should you do with a sleeping (dead) raven in the park?

A: Put it near the trash.

B: Wrap it up all nicely. Be sure to give it a pillow.

C: Dress it up, with a necklace and whatnot.

D: Make a birdie burrito.

E: Give it a birdie toupee.


Answer: All of the above.






Optional for foreigners only:
E: Golf the shit out of it, then kick it into the mouth of a wild, crazy person with only two teeth.



To be continued....



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English help:

Etiquette: Manners

Little league: kids league

tens of your family members: not very many people

break wind: fart/pass gas

with impunity: without worrying about punishment.

launches garbage in the direction OPPOSITE the one I swing: hits garbage backwards

burrito: mexican food, it comes in a tortilla shell.

toupee: fake hair

Golf the shit out of it: (Verb) the shit out of it - do something really forcefully.