Thursday, February 01, 2007

Garbage Can Etiquette

Garbage cans in Japan have a certain etiquette, or set of manners, that you need to follow. For example, one important social custom is: Please place the garbage in the can.

Now, a garbage bin I saw relayed the background for why we do this, but I can't quite figure out whether the reasoning is...

Please do not eat the garbage, as this is why we have provided the can.


Please dispose of your garbage here. If you leave it out, wild crazy people with two teeth will come and eat it during the night.

The garbage cans are also quick to offer tips on the proper method of disposal.

The one on the right means:
Look chump, you are not Zidane, Ronaldo, or even David Beckham. Maybe you played little league football/soccer, and you were a hero to tens of your immediate family members, but you do not (repeat: *YOU DO NOT*) have the necessary talent to kick your garbage through this little hole. So, just drop it in nicely, ok??? Good. Now get over to the Squid-On-A-Stick stand and spend some freakin' money.

or maybe it's "Don't kick the garbage".

It's one of those. But in either case, you are encouraged to break wind with impunity.

Garbage cans also have guidelines for which sporting events are considered appropriate. For instance, this can symbolizes the fifth hole of the International One-Armed-Persons Nippon Trash Bash Open.

Mostly, I want to know where I can get a physics-defying golf club that launches garbage in the direction OPPOSITE the one I swing. Imagine how much fun you could have at the driving range freaking out the people behind you.

Excuse me.... Excuse ME! DON'T SWING TOWARDS US!!! AAAA!!! .... 400 yards? What?

In my limited Japanese:

すめません。。。  すみません!!!   だめ!!  だめ!!  ヤダ!!  ばか外人!! ああああああああ!!! ... 400m? なに?

Finally, we can end with a Pop Quiz:

Which of the following things should you do with a sleeping (dead) raven in the park?

A: Put it near the trash.

B: Wrap it up all nicely. Be sure to give it a pillow.

C: Dress it up, with a necklace and whatnot.

D: Make a birdie burrito.

E: Give it a birdie toupee.

Answer: All of the above.

Optional for foreigners only:
E: Golf the shit out of it, then kick it into the mouth of a wild, crazy person with only two teeth.

To be continued....


English help:

Etiquette: Manners

Little league: kids league

tens of your family members: not very many people

break wind: fart/pass gas

with impunity: without worrying about punishment.

launches garbage in the direction OPPOSITE the one I swing: hits garbage backwards

burrito: mexican food, it comes in a tortilla shell.

toupee: fake hair

Golf the shit out of it: (Verb) the shit out of it - do something really forcefully.

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