NSFW: How To Speak Sexy English

First of all, NSFW stands for “not safe for work”.


Thus, you can probably guess that this post won’t be very clean, seeing as reading it at work is probably grounds for losing your job. So, don’t read this at work. More specifically, don’t play the video.

Why?

Because this is a very rude post!

You shouldn't read it unless you already know or want to learn some very dirty English words.


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I’ve been teaching English for quite awhile. I think that I am a pretty good teacher, and about lessons are generally rather fun. I will admit, however, that next group of teachers taught such an interesting English lesson that other teachers will even be tempted to sign up.

Watch, enjoy, learn and grow as you see fit.

And by the way, that production was by far the most exciting way to ended in this lesson I’ve ever heard of.


So hold onto your virgin years, as I present to you...HOW TO SPEAK SEXY ENGLISH!

Language and Culture notes:

1) It’s spelled “mastUrbation”, not “mastErbation”.

2) I love that they censored the Japanese word for "Pussy", but not the Japanese word for "Cock". This in spite of the fact that they included a thirty second close-up shot of said (CENSORED).

3) I think they missed the mark with “cockpit”. I’d never heard of this used to describe anything other than the place where you drive an airplane from. I can see how they wanted to show a Pit (eg, a hole) is a good place to put a Cock, but I would have used two words (Cock Pit) and separated this metaphor from the other more widely used terms.

Back me up here, but if some girl told me to get to the "Cockpit" when when we weren’t on a plane, I'd think she was crazy. Mind you, if that girl lifted up her kilt and said “the goal to me in the complex!!!” most people would be able to figure out what she meant. So girls, don’t worry too much. If you show someone your underwear and say “Gargle me timbers and shiver the lasses!” or “Slinky My Cockpit!”, most guys will be able to figure it out.

/and girls complain that guys don’t understand subtle non-verbal communication. You just need to wear a kilt and demonstrate your intentions a little more clearly.

4) "Case of Taro" sounds a bit strange. Any of the following would be more grammatically accurate:

- Taro’s Story

- Taro’s Skit

- Taro’s Case

- Taro's Adventure In GaikokuPussyLand

- The Time That Taro Got Blown By His Teacher During Class...YEAH!!

5) The dialogue is spoken and transcribed a bit strangely. Here' s a revised script. My suggestions are in CAPITALS.

A: Hi Taro!

B: Hi Gloria, what’s up?

A: NOT MUCH…yeah… this is A /MY pussy

B: I see… this is A/MY dick.

A: IT’S A dick, not A cock, IS IT?

B: I'LL BE God Damned, you can say “Cock” too, CAN’T YOU?

I would say that “God Damned” is a bit strong for this situation. Maybe “Oh yeah, I forgot!” would be better).

A: All right, this is MY cockpit, isn’t it?

Cockpit: pussy, vagina, moist neither regions, bearded clam, whatever…. Cockpit is not so clear.

Isn’t it?: I think that she should have used falling intonation here instead of rising intonation. She isn’t asking him whether she just showed him her crotch… she’s telling him. So, “isn’t it.”

B: Yeah! I want to put MY COCK in(to) (there/you/your pussy)!

A: YOU WANT TO PUT YOUR dick inside MY pussy?

B: You are good at GIVING BLOW jobS, aren’t you?

(Dude!!! Why are you backpeddling??? She's so into you!!!)

A: Do you want to FIND OUT?

A & B: YEAH!

(This is exactly correct. When fooling around in English, people turn ninety degrees. Men turn to the right and women turn to the left. After this, both yell “YEAH!” immediately before any sexual activities.)

Overall, a well prepared lesson. Good elicitation and nice use of props and “realia”. Most of all, great job on student participation. Keep up the good work, and maybe bring another teacher to participate for the next lesson. That way, the class is sure to expand.

Language help for the language help:

/fortunately for me, most of the dirty words have already been explained...which is the point of this whole post.

Backpeddling: To go backwards, (as in pedal your bike backwards, or run backwards)... to back away from something you were headed towards before.

GaikokuPussyLand: "Gaijin" (outsider/foreigner) is actually quite a rude word in Japanese... "Gaikokujin" (person from another country) is considered much more polite. "Jin" means "person", so instead of person, I included a crass joke.