Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Japan Does Toronto, Ebi Chan Makes F * ing

As some of you may know, I am very excited to be heading home for the holidays this Christmas. Toronto is a wonderful city, and there's nowhere I'd rather barbeque a huge steak while standing in a two foot snowdrift.

I plan to eat a lot of turkey, drink a lot of wine with my relatives, and watch the good natured insults fly. I also plan on sharing a lot about my exploits here in Japan, and perhaps the best place to do that would be a venue that is based on a Japanese tradition.

This is no problem, as Toronto is a very multicultural city. Apart from being a scary place during the World Cup, multiculturalism means that wonderful traditions from around the world are available. So, for a long time, I figured that my stories might best be told over a few plates of sushi. This setting might even allow me to employ my rather limited Japanese skills to their best effect, seeing as ordering sushi makes up about 28% of what I do with said skills.

And then, I stumbled upon a far more appropriate venue.

Toronto is opening up it's very own Maid Cafe.

If you are unfamiliar with this idea, it's really quite simple.

1) Open a cafe

2) Staff the cafe with cute, submissive Japanese girls. If no cute, submissive Japanese girls are available, any Japanese girls will do nicely. Actually, just about any girls will do nicely for this, but it's best to preserve some of the traditions...

Here's an example of what to look for:
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If you can't find any girls, well... that's why Al Gore invented the Internet.

3) Stuff said cute, submissive girls into French Maid uniforms.

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4) Now, have your cute, submissive Japanese French maids serve irony soaked food to a healthy combination of fetishists, comedy seekers, lonely men, bottomless tops and tourists.

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5) Profit!

If you want to check out the restaurant's's

Things to note:

1) It's in Scarborough! I used to work there. It's a sketchy part of town.

2) Apparently, Hong Kong and Taiwan are Asian, and are close enough to Japanese food fit the menu. I suppose one doesn't really go to a maid cafe for the food...

3) a) Open up the "Staff" page (same as above). b) Sing "one of these things is not like the others...."


Obviously, maid cafes are not for everyone.

Case 2: That is so sexist, what the hell!?! and Case 3: Your clientelle is mostly female: Staff the cafe with cute, submissive boys. If no cute, submissive boys are available, any submissive boys will do nicely. If you can't find any submissive boys, well, that's what ...well... shit. That's what the stiletto heel beat-downs are for. Head for the bar.

If you still can't find any submissive boys...well, you can always fly over here to Japan. You see, the maid cafes are so successful that their gender counterparts have opened. They're called Butler Cafes, and cute boys are stuffed into butler uniforms. Those cute, submissive Japanese boys will do your bidding without requiring even a small stiletto heal beat down!

Case 4 For the gay and lesbian community: Dominant Females: See "maid cafe". Dominant Males: see "butler cafe". Submissive Males and Females: Um.... employment?

The Japanese Girl I used as an example.

Her name is Yuri Ebihara. She's kind of like the Japanese Paris Hilton...but she doesn't seem so mind bogglingly annoying or foolish (perhaps because I don't speak Japanese? Maybe someone can help me out here...) She became famous for being...well...fashionable...and still more famous for being...well...famous.

She's so famous and fashionable, in fact, that she and another fashionista cum celebrity have just released her own new line of clothes and accessories.

Appropriately, they're calling the new line "F*ing Motesto*
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Whether this name comes from "Fucking Modest" (Which they don't seem to be), "Fucking Mo Testosterone" (Which may be part of the reason for their fame) or if they just plain want people to think of "Fucking" and the Motesto part is just for kicks... it will probably still be a huge hit. And by "huge hit", I mean "I'm really looking forward to hearing lots of Japanese people say "F-ING" in department stores all the time."

Final note about Ms. Ebihara.... or "Ebi-chan", as she is commonly known. "Ebi" also means "Shrimp" in Japanese. This coincidence led to a what might be the least believable celebrity endorsement of a seafood-based fast food product that I've ever seen.

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/with bonus random Englishesque words on the left hand side.

EDIT: Courtesy of Ed The Cat, here is a video of Ebi hawking Ebi

Ok... I officially like her better than Paris Hilton.

(That's not a huge compliment, mind you. I feel the same way about kicks to the groin... but Shrimp girl does have...uh...stage presence.)


ed said...

YouTube of the Ebi Filet O commercial

headgirl said...

you're a fucking loser

Jin said...

I don't understand the comparison to Paris Hilton. Ebi-Chan is a FASHION MODEL for CanCam and other magazines (AneCan). Paris Hilton is just an heiress who became famous for her sex videos. Ebi-Chan became famous for her fashion modeling on magazines and on the catwalk - stuff like America's Next Top Model. Not sure why you're comparing her to Hilton.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe they "graduated" Ebi-chan, she's not that old

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