Wednesday, January 25, 2006

I suck and I am still mending my evil ways… umm… yeah.


Where were we, faithful flock? As I remember it, we were about to drink some grape juice all at the same time, being careful not to spill any on our togas, and wait for the magic comet to carry us away from the evil CIA…

Crap. Sorry. That was from my other… blog.

Cough. AWK---ward… (with Apologies to Aizick Grimman)

So, Christmas was about a month ago… or exactly a month ago, so we need to do some serious blow-by-blow recovery to keep our shenanigans from getting dusty as they rattle around in my brain, lest they conspire somehow to make me look good, or tactful or culturally sensitive.

So… here is a further out-of-date update of silly adventures that I have had.

1) The craziest place on earth’

I found a place that shocked me, amazed me, and over stimulated my senses more than that time I watched a swiped copy of “Dickman and Throbbin’” at my friend Brett’s house when in Grade Seven. I am not a man for understatements, but the previous sentence may, in fact, be one.

I admit that while I have in no way grasped the worldwide insanity that is the human race, I have managed to meander to a number of parts of the world. I’ve gallivanted around Canada, the US, the Caribbean, around the UK, through Germany, France and the hazy, drug-and-sex-laden streets of Amsterdam. I have also seen a good bit of Tokyo, and of the world famous suburban paradise that is York Region.

I’ve seen some weird and wild stuff, and I do love a good amount of ridiculousness. But frankly, in a part of Tokyo called Ikebukuro, there is a city-within-a-city cheerfully known as “Rainbow Sunshine” mall.

I will define this place two definitions, one for the boys and one for the girls.

GIRLS: Shopping, living, eating, working, a world spanning antique store and an aquarium all together at last. You might know this as “heaven”, considering that there are 14 different shoe stores and a little restaurant on the 60th floor.

BOYS: “Rainbow Sunshine City Within a City” is kind of like one those Launch Arcologies from Simcity 2000 and the sequels, you know, the ones that had to blast of for you to win??? It looks kinda similar, too.

Crazy as this sounds…. Its really no more ridiculous than any semi-ridiculous part of Tokyo. In this comparatively normal place, however, is an indoor theme park called “NamjaTown”.

They have everything on earth you could ever want… that is, if you were the Evil B Movie Tacky-Monster. It is a mad warren of twisting, flashing hallways full of every kind of kitsch you can imagine.

They have a Gyoza Stadium, where 15 odd different flashy kiosks compete for your 300 yen. Gyoza are those little misc dumplings that are usually fried up somehow. Everyone goes crazy, but it’s a great place to eat.

Next to this is a seriously weird haunted house. Lanterns loll their tongues out, weird pseudo-bhuddist gods wave their arms, and (creepiest of all, seriously) twisted children’s laughter echoes through the whole place. This includes the bathroom, where the weird kids laugh when you turn on the taps. SERIOUSLY MESSED UP.

Outside this haunted house is a place where you can fish for eels. Yes, you read that right…. Fishing for eels. In a little tub. With a paper net. For 200 yen you can try to snag as many eels as you can and win little crappy stuffed animals that were surely fished out of someone’s garbage. I lost, but I’m honestly not bitter.

After passing through some velvet stairways where electronic zombie versions of famous dead rock starts anamatronicly rock it out (I’m seriously not making this up… they had Chuck Berry the Zombie doing a poorer impression of himself than Michael J Fox ever did). After that, you come to ICE CREAM CITY.

Logically, this place has about 500 different flavours of ice cream, including some that surely deserve to be treated to the dumpster from whence those crappy eel-prizes came from.

These include things like Black Sesame, Kiwi and my personal favourite for sheer wrongness: Curry Ice Cream. I even took a lactose pill and tested a bit, and yep, Curry still shouldn’t be frozen and served in a cone.

So, um.. it was f’in crazy. Check out some pics.

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The Gateway to Crazy NamjaTown

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Entrance to Haunted House.

Where's my mirror shield when I need it.

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Creepy haunted cat

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MESSED up heads.

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Fishing for... EELS?!?!?

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This is four feet from the haunted house. Aromatherapy, massage and scented oil rainforest-land

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Look Everybody! Its Cameltoe Kitty!

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Mmmm curry ice cream....

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Geoff Sensei likey the kaa-ree ice cremeu.

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