Sunday, December 11, 2005

Nihonglish.... Part 1 of Many.

I’d like to spend this entry doing a quick run down of some of the best bits of English destruction that I’ve witnessed in my entire life.


I’d like to submit that making fun of English in Japan is like making fun of German Spelling in Quebec City. There’s really no reason that anyone ought to speak English here. Besides, my Japanese is around the level of scholarly ape-grunting with a lot of pantomime thrown in for good measure. Thus, I recognize the hard work that all these people have put in to learn a foreign language.

Plus, its dead hilarious.


Lets start the day off with a few rudimentary typos.

This is a department store that really believes in connecting with customers. Unfortunately, they definitely erred on the side of "creepy" rather than "customer service". Especially if you were one of those people that saw "Evil Dead: the musical" when it was playing in Toronto...

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Next up, more retail. Here, friend and fellow teacher Sophie Sensei shows off one store's awesomely enticing name.

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next we have....

Chingis Kahn and Beer Stick. I honestly think this one can do without a wiseacre remark.

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coming up next... I have attached a picture of the best menu ever. Check out How many mistakes can you find here??

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hmm... a WHAT of Carlsberg???

Lets move from the public to the private domain…

Some of my friends sing the praises of cross language dating. One, in fact, declared that intermediate English skills make for the best relationships because you don’t really fight about something unless it is really really important. And you have to actually listen to each other, so there’s not really a lot of yelling.

And…well… I suppose that everyone speaks naked, so perhaps you can find some common ground.

Anyway…. There is a dark and awful(ly hilarious) aspect to it: the text-dump in broken English. Yikers. Its bad. In fact, I actually got permission from my dear friend to share this little gem with you all…

“i decided to leave from you. i want to concentrate new job & look for another guy. thank you for everything".

- verbatim.

It sure is a good thing that she softened the blow.

Lastly, I’d like to move on to the best homework submission I’ve ever received. I admit that the real comedy here is purely intentional (the dude is a funny guy), it was just so wickedly awesome that I had to share.

Class Homework Assignment:
Write an apology.

Student answer:
"Oh sorry, I like your wife. Because she is very beautiful and kindly. I need to her. but I yet hold nothing. So, I don't trouble you."

…word for word, thats it.

YES! (insert triumphant arm-pumping here) I love that guy.

I think we need a contest for this one. Please post the best word you can think of for the third sentence, between “to” and “her”. Try to be creative.

I think I'm going to start collecting awesome english instances.

Today's score:
Brent 10, culture shock 0.5

Yeah. thats right. I'm giving myself two points for beating down this little language party.


Neil Glazebrook said...

I know that Chinggis is a real derivative of Genghis. So that jerky really is Genghis Kahn Jerky.

Also, there *is* such a thing as beer-cured sausage, at least there was in Sweden (ölkorv). So Beer Stick might not be so far off from jerky or hot rods.

"I need to eviscerate her."

Merry Man In Japan said...

Oooh... good one.

No wonder you have such a time keepin' them around.