Wednesday, December 07, 2005

the Beer Fairy, the 'Perfect' Pint and a few thoughts on repression.

This weekend was mostly uneventful, that is, if you discount the fact that I happened to discover one of the greatest museum events in recent memory.

You see, people here like beer. As with most places that like beer, the Japanese have decided that by adding some “culture” and some “edjumicashun”, said beverage can become an all day event for the entire family! Of course, this being Japan, the idea of “beer museum” must include copious amounts of English typos, crazy cartoons, cheap beer and a little bit of silliness everwhere.

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Lets start with the Beer Fairy. She was actually part of a 3d holographic extravaganza. I can't really do this justice without a solid quote:

“This is a wonderful lovely 3d event that tells the story of the emperor of town. The emperor declared that the Yibisu brewman would have a contest with the evil beer wizard for the heart of the beautiful beer fairy. This alegorial tale tells the story of where the beer comes. The story is presented in magicvision.”

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Oh yeah, they also had a quick presentation on the four things that go into beer. Water, Yeast, Barley and Hop. Apparently Hop is a lot more potent in the far east, because you only need one.

If I ever get sick of teaching, I might go into public copyediting major tourist attractions with a can of spray paint.

Hmm… anyway… the best feature by far at the museum was the bar. OF course the BEER museum has a bar! And although not free, I really can’t argue with $2 drafts. : ) I mean… they came with free beer nuts!! And this particular bar was actually very, very nice, there were two things of comedic note.

Firstly, on a beer note, the Bartenders here were pouring what I gleefully recognized as the best western-style (read, only about a centimetre of head, not the half-bloody-foam pints that the J-folk prefer). I stared in happy shock…until he smartly pressed the tap in the opposite direction and dispensed PURE FREAKING FOAM from a separate and dedicated head-tap.

NOOOOOOO…. Why? Sweet Beer Fairy… where are you when I need you!?! Come rescue these pints from foambliteration! Gaaaaaa!!!

Oh well.. if you let them sit for a minute or two, you get beer. And they came with free beer nuts!

Strangely what comes to mind is this bit of popular culture.

“…but it comes with a free frogert!.”
“That’s good!”
“the Frogurt is also cursed”
“That’s bad!”
“but you get your choice of sprinkles”
“that’s good!”
“The sprinkles contain potassium sorbate!”
“that’s BAD!”
“Can I go now…?”

Anyway, the other interesting thing is in this picture. Hopefully I’ll fire up a better version from one of my chums, but if you are reading this sentence, I haven’t yet.

Too bloody bad.

Anyway… its hard (impossible) to see from this picture, but there is a small girl of perhaps six drinking from a juice box. Perhaps you can see that the juice box is white…?

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I’d like to tell you that that is NO juice box, but rather, a highly appropriate box of CAFÉ LATTE! Oh well. At least they weren’t serving her pints.

End Transmission.


Sidebar Rant

This is extra crude and rude, so if you fall into any one of the following categories, please stop reading now.

1) Dear Mom & Dad. If you’ve found this website, well, this would fall into the category of “oversharing”. Please stop here. I’ll send you and granny some nice pictures later.
2) My Japanese Co-workers. STOP NOW. I mean it. You’ll start thinking that I’m a menace to students…I am, but you don’t realize it yet. (if you are a student in my class and you somehow found this, please note that this site is actually set up by an evil other Brent, who works for a rival English school. This site is designed to undermine the real Brent.) umm... I mean... Students: Teacher is being bad. Don't read this.
3) Dave and Raf. You will likely find this tame, so stop now or you’ll be disappointed.
4) Anyone else who expects this is actually going to be a) funny or b) shocking. I've now over-sold this post so much that you and I both might as well quit now.

ANYWAY… caveats aside.

I’d like to take a moment to address an anonymous reader. Apparently, a friend of mine showed this site to a friend of his, who promptly declared that I was a, silly, immature, sexually repressed man.

Well… hrmmm… silly?
--Yeah… can’t contest that.

Farty fart!
--You be the judge of that one.

Sexually Repressed?
Now…well… most of you who have met me in person probably must figure that I spend a good amount of time editing these blogs for content. Perhaps you figure its about a six to one time ratio to bring the filth level down to the point where it is legally permissible on this-here inter-web. (that’s six parts editing to one part writing) I mean….. I know I can be crude sometimes, but, come-on, you’re a dirty person too. You know you love it. Especially you guys under “3” above, because I know you didn’t stop reading.

Seriously, you can fire under-sexed at me if you feel like it, or sex-y (you can have some beer first if you want, before you throw that one out…), or whatnot, but lets be straight about this. If I was any less sexually repressed, I’d be typing this blog by suspending my laptop from the ceiling of a crowded train and trying to hit the letters with my raging hard on while waving around 1950s Japanese nudie magazines and explaining what “pie-pan” is Japanese for. (the translation is “blank tile”… and I’ll leave that to you for homework.).

/ rant over.

Apparently I only get upset if you tell me I’m not dirty ENOUGH.

Oh… and to show that I’m an equal opportunity offender, I’d like to objectify some inanimate objects for you.

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Ok ok… that last one looked kind of like a girl. But they had a dude in a purple speedo too.

Today’s score: Brent 8, Culture Shock 0.5.

Number of People Planning to Tune in Next Week, where X is the number of readers last week and y is the number of people who don’t know me personally: N = X – (y + 1) .


Neil Glazebrook said...


See, I think the thing is that this "person" (if she is indeed such) has just seen your pictures and pegged you wrong. She thinks you are:

Yet another fa-- portly, white, western dude with a bizarre fascination for Japanese "culture"--most likely in retaliation to their perpetual exclusion from the "cool" crowd in high school-- that manifests itself through:

- reading manga
- pronouncing anime "a-NEE-may"
- referring to himself by a japanese word, like "otaku" (you witless fuck)
- probably speaks japenese, although he's never been to nip-land. Why don't you just learn Klingon?
- ponytailed
- full beard to hide his hidden chin
- dressed all in black because he's *still* living out mid-90s "the future is now" cyberpunk, and because it makes him look slimmer--heLLO? The future was last decade!
- thinks that by going to Japan all of his problems will disappear because he will be "with his people" who "understand him." He's probably right, right?
- immediately clicking "asian" when entering any porn site--and probably knows something about tubgirl

... and looks like this.

Fish said...

can we not let tubgirl rest in peace?

Brent: read the book I sent you. It fell on me at Indigo so I figured it was a sign for an X-mas/Birthday gift :D

PS: I expected something more after all those warnings. I think you need to uncork the filth-filter for a bit.

Neil Glazebrook said...

tubgirl is eternal!

Merry Man In Japan said...

Sigh... I almost just clicked that link at work.. my boss was right behind me, so I almost just got fired, jerk.


anyway... you do have me on the beard thing, though japan is doing wonders to reduce it.

Merry Man In Japan said...

Fish - Filth filter is in full effect. heh. glad you noticed.